An A-musing story

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Today is A-Musings’s happy budday. Brace yourself for the terrible twos!

It’s tough to write the story behind your blog. How do I make it funny and interesting? What do I add that all of you do not know already? So I thought I’ll start with a candid confession. Till two years back, I had no idea what a blog was. Yes, that’s how ignorant I was. But then I left my job and started writing on a whim. A simple note on Facebook expressed my elation at being free from a clockwork precise life; a rambling that made its way to a news-forum, Drishtikone. The reaction I got for the write-up was overwhelming. I guess, as a woman trapped in a prison of her own making, I managed to strike a chord with many.

Change, is the most difficult thing to accept. Oh, how we refuse to look into its face. But once we accept it, there’s no looking back. Life is too short for us to regret what we could have done, where we could have been.

My blog was born out of desperation. When a Bangalore based forum put the spotlight on me, I realized I had no space of my own. I started with a bang and created 11 blogs for my 11 posts. It’s only when a befuddled reader pointed it out, did I discover my faux-pas and sheepishly made a new one and titled it Musings. That was before I realized that 57302 blogs exist with the same name. A few months later when the husband suggested A-Musing, I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

I honestly didn’t expect anyone to read my outpourings. When I got my first comment, I almost melted with gratitude. My first ever fan (Harsh) and his group of friends will always be special to me. It seemed so surreal, a group of college kids in faraway Lucknow, sitting in their canteen, avidly discussing my write-ups. My Dad is from Lucknow and I have many happy memories attached to the city – of lazy summer afternoons, a bunch of kids furiously planning pranks, the fights we had, the joy of stealing Dusseris from the store-room, the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing every time I had to head back to Delhi. Lucknow became even more special to me.

When I joined Indiblogger, I finally saw what blogs can become. I saw bloggers with hundreds of followers and dozens of comments. I was star-struck. I wrote my first gushy, fan letter to Sharmila (she doesn’t blog anymore) and was heartbroken when she stopped corresponding after a couple of mails. I met so many wonderful people that I am willing to forget the few unpleasant episodes. I lost a friend, the same one who introduced me to blogging. He was a staunch Baba Ramdev supporter and didn’t take too kindly to my pranayam- doesn’t- mix-with- politics barb. We had a nasty showdown and haven’t spoken since.

To me, a blog is not just a platform for publishing your posts. We build a community of like-minded people who become like our family over a period of time. You share amusing anecdotes, fume at the issues they raise, cry with them, applaud their talent and reprimand them when they slip.

I discovered myself through my blog and my friends & family discovered me through my musings.
 

Yes, A-Musing gave me recognition, fulfilment and some heartbreak as well. I take criticism more seriously than praise and it broke my heart when my attempt at fiction did not go down well with quite a few of my readers.

I was approached by a well-known publishing house to write a book. I was ecstatic! This is what I had been waiting for, to be discovered! I got into a tizzy, wrote four chapters and realized it’s not turning out the way I wanted it to. Defeat is not an easy thing to accept and it made me feel miserable. From ecstasy to agony, in three months flat! But now I have made up my mind. I will write a book, if I am ready for it and not because I am expected to.

Two years down the line, writing has become a part of me. It is almost like an obsessive need now. The days I don’t get to scribble my stray thoughts in my diary, I feel lost. As if an important part of me is missing. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I hit the publish button – because I dread letting you down. I still labour over my posts to get the economy of expression, to get the punch lines right. What if I end up sounding funny for the wrong reasons! And I still make the husband read my posts and give his suggestions before I publish – even when he is dog-tired at the end of the day and is about to sink into deep slumber!

I have always avoided mentioning names in my few interviews as a blogger. People who have become dear friends, friends whose opinions I value and respect. What if I forget someone really important? The last thing I want is to hurt anyone’s sentiments.

Zephyr, Snow Leopard, Maitreyee, Samadrita, Alka, Bhavana, Priyanka, Kartikay, Chintan, Suruchi, you mean the world to me. And to those of you who write such beautiful mails to me appreciating my work, I feel honoured. If some of you are upset that I did not review your blog or a post a comment, I apologize. Time is a luxury for me.

There, I managed to sound like an Oscar acceptance speech. And I have yet to thank my dog, Jeejuz, the husband, my daughter (not necessarily in that order).

Let me end with a warning. You can love me, you can hate me – but you can’t stop reading A-Musing! If you do, I will come and haunt your dreams (*insert evil laugh*). Scared you into submission, didn’t I?