Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Parenting outsourced

Courtesy Google images

Our complex has a charming play-park for kids, complete with a sandpit and an assortment of miniature swings.  In the evening the air resonates with sounds of running feet and excited chatter of children.  Pretty little girls in their cute dresses try to bully each other in all their earnestness.  The play-park comes to life with excited kiddos trying to outdo each other in calisthenics, while their maids look on stoically.   The only thing missing from this picture perfect scenario is the parents.  They are either too busy or have better things to do. 

The ayah, an age old phenomenon, has been a ubiquitous part of a memsahib’s household.    She made her memsahib’s life more bearable, taking care of babalog’s tantrum-y ways and ironing out bothersome inconveniences.  I had a full time working Mum.  She took time off for me, but when my brother was born she had to rely on a procession of ayahs to take care of him.  She did what she had to do because she had no choice.  For the middle class working woman, an ayah is not a luxury but a necessity. 

But of late I have observed a new phenomenon especially in fast paced Gurgaon.  Gone are the days when the woman of the house was content with just a bai who took care of the washing and cleaning. From fixing meals, to watering plants, to washing the family cars, even a household of three depends on a retinue of hired helps.  There’s Robi to walk the dog, Reena to wash the coloured lots, Babita to clean the windows twice a month.  Thank God we are in India where everything including help is available for a price.  And so addicted are we to this pleasure of having domestic helps at our beck and call that our life revolves around their whims and fancies.  Why, I even dedicated an entire post to my cook, my knight with her shining ladle.  It’s another matter that she jilted me just a few months later and my pining drove the husband up the wall.  

Yes, we are hopelessly dependant on our domestic helps.   And if you have kids, the ayah is now a must have accessory and not necessarily borne out of necessity. 

An accessory, that Madamjee cannot do without. Where ever she goes the ayah tags along.  At the birthday party squirming in the shadowy corner, at a swish five-star Sunday Brunch looking uncertainly while the family chomps on a pile of barbequed lobster, at a weekend resort running after her hyperactive charge.  She is almost like the Hutch puppy - wherever Madam goes, the maid follows her around

Agreed that motherhood is not for the faint hearted – you require the patience of a saint.  In one stroke your transform from a carefree girl to a woman caught in a sticky quagmire of poop, pee and feed.  You can’t remember the last time you slept well, you smell of curdled milk and you don’t care that you have swapped your trendy totes with a diaper bag decorated with cartoons.  So if you can find a willing person on whose shoulder you can unburden your motherhood blues then why not? 

The trouble starts when you start thinking that most of your parenthood, can be outsourced to a woman whose services you have hired.  Today’s modern living dictates that we don’t go beyond one or two kids.  The least they deserve is our time.  Every minute you spend with your baby brings you closer to her.  Even if it’s something as trivial as watching her do cartwheels in a park.  When I hear stories of a boy who spent most of his childhood in the company of his maid, watching television and eating Maggi – my heart breaks for him.  It is said that the first few years of life are the most crucial during which emotional stability and feelings of trust are developed,  which later become the basis for all important relationships with peers, adults and partners, and even with one's own children.  A child’s brain develops incredibly fast, and nerve connections that are forged during that period through interaction with those closest to them remain unchanged for the rest of their lives.  During the period before the age of three, parenting skills are crucial in bringing up children, providing emotional support, encouraging their development and establishing successful communication with them. (Source UNICEF)

I am not questioning a woman’s career choices here.  Not everyone can take time off from her job to bring up her child - every family has a different financial obligation.    Nor am I implying that employing an ayah is a cardinal sin.  It’s the parental avoidance in child-rearing that baffles me.  If from bathing to feeding to napping all the harder tasks have been outsourced - what’s left of parenting?  Saying “hello darling” with a kiss on the cheek to turn over the child again to the maid!  

And do you really have to drag your maid all around the town?  I understand the benefits are endless; your maid is left to struggle with your child’s hyperactive tantrums, while you have a good time.  But tell me is it too much to handle your child’s tantrums for a few measly hours!  And do you realize that your child throws tantrums because this is his way of demanding your attention.  When a SAHM brags that she has a pair of maids to take care of her twins whom she calls bacchhey (the kids, not the maids).  And that she’d rather take care of the cooking because she’s scared that her maid’s cooking will make her fat – this becomes a classic case of mixed up priorities. 

The point I am trying to make is that if you have taken the decision to become a parent you might as well do a good job of it.  I respect couples who know that they are not ready for parenting and refuse to have children just for the sake of it.  Why do a half hearted job and make a mess of it?  

Parenting is not a burden meant to be outsourced, it is an experience meant to be cherished for a lifetime. And please don’t try to be a helicopter mom or a tiger mom either – try being just a Mom to your children – this is the least they deserve. 
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  1. well what is u said is true.. we are really addicted to house helps..!

  2. Thats is something we see everyday. A help for every small thing. And maids tag along everywhere. They are like fashion statements for some. For small help, yes acceptable, for a child with special needs acceptable....but not because you don't want to handle all the pressure.
    Emotional bonds forged during the growing up years are strong. And then they day that the kids are not emotionally attached to parents.
    I agree with the point you made about not becoming a parent if you are not ready.
    And considering they can be so aloof to their own kids, I am not surprised that they need a person to walk the dog and feed it. Even a dog is like a child and becomes a member of the family.

  3. Well have not seen much of ayah culture, yup have certainly seen domestic helps but they are not as prevalent as u mentioned in the post..

    And agree with you why become a parent for the heck of it but then again i have never raised a kid so cannot really judge the others. they must reasons of their own..

  4. the docs may be able to help you with the nicotine or alcohol addiction but not this one i guess just cant do without them if you are a working person in this city .

    Truly said but sad for our children that we are passing this addiction to them ...hope not ..hope there is a better way...time will tell..till then the addiction stays

  5. My friend Jose has 23 watches and he still doesn't have any time :D

    Guess urban India is 2 busy fr kids, 2 busy fr parents, 2 busy fr themselves n even 2 busy 2 care. Think the ayah culture is a boon fr this 'shining' part of India. Thank God fr them, but yes, such short fixes does affect bigger issues, as u have rightfully highlighted, the issue of parenting.

    I've read stories whr kids hv gt more attached to their maids rather than 2 their moms n can we really blame them? Aspirations, Ambitions and affluence r takin their toll on the age old concept of the 'Indian family', a model tht has been historically n universally hailed as an Indian advantage. Not any more???

    Yup, respect 2 those families who decide nt 2 hv kids cos they dnt hv the time 4 it :)

    As always, nice read, Purba..luv the way it flowed frm an observation of urs in the garden n hw it graduated 2 ayahs n then ended up with such a topical topic.. Hats off 2 u Purba..brilliant write n brilliant read, as always!!! :)

  6. sweet....cudn agree lesser!
    i remember d frst tym my mom started workin as a teacher was wen i was in class 7 and i cried like crazy cos i thot she was gonna leave me n strt loving dose 'new kids' of hers!

    its sad to see little ones not get wat dey rightfully deserve!

    p.s- robi, reena n babita??? :D
    *such fancy names?*

  7. Well written post Purba. Being a working mom of cattle-class, i had a string of ayahs, until finally i gave up the interest to work and take care of pee and poops better by myself;) Thank God, we are not in Saudi Arabia, where Ayahs are needed to fetch a glass of water for madamjee to drink...We are in India where family, love and motherly affection is cherished. I agree with what you say 100%, Motherhood is a boon to be cherished than a bane to be shunned. Tiger moms and chopper moms better be good moms first:)))

  8. lolz...whats that "helicopter mom"

  9. Raghu...:))

    Snow Leopard....Every one refuses to come out of their comfort zone. Why sacrifice, why give up the pleasures of life. Parenting is a full time responsibility and cannot be taken lightly.

    Perception...Most buckle under family pressure. Something you are expected to do.

  10. RK...The same people when they emigrate to foreign lands manage wonderfully, don't they?

    @ Raj...Takes a bow. (So glad the effort was appreciated)


  11. Sadiya...I still remember the day, when I had to leave Tee behind. I had joined back work after a gap of nearly 4 years and she bawled her heart out, refusing to let go of me.

    P.S Robi Reena...are the names of my hired helps :p

    cloud nine...Even I took time off to bring up my child :)

    magm...I did put a link to it. A mom who hovers protectively around her child, monitoring her every move.

  12. well ! what I know is that working in office is way easier than parenting 24*7 and hence outsourcing is so popular!
    I also don't get the bullshit on Quality Time.You either spend time bathing ,reading,talking ,playing with your kids or you don't.If you are in the house and maid does all the stuff while you do your nalis does it count ?
    All this runaway outsourcing of momhood always has unintended repercussions as in Puddenhead Wilson or ancient Romans!!

  13. A case of confused priorities in fact , not mixed up.
    My blood pressure shoots up when the parents crib of the hyperactive tantrums of the child and the callousness of the ayah at the same time , not realizing that the key is in their own hands ...if they want to move the fingers :)

  14. I agree with every word of this post Purba. It is sad to see such families (well, only the kids of such families) where parenting has been outsourced to the aayahs. Such kids do long for parental love..only if parents cared for their kids emotions..

  15. I hope my bhabhijaan doesnot read this comment now , but I hated the way things are in india, I mean couples want kids but have no time to bring them on there own, and then to hire a thrid person to look after them, Why have kids is my simple rule.

    I am sorry if this is rude but thats what i feel , no excuse about working women or this or that, If you are working then Why dont you go part time ...

    and I hate it when you go out with them and a aya is tagged along to carry the little child , I had to tell my Bhabhi that I am not going out , I will carry the baby all the time if it was such a big deal .

    I mean here in UK you cant afford a AYA, people have kids and the couple arrange it so , My next door naighbours both the husband and wife work in a way that one of them is at home, the lady works part time ...

    In india Ok its still beleivable that WORKING women need a aya what about the Not working ones even they have One tagging behind with the child in there arms ..

    It has become a status symbol there to have one simple as that no other reason. I am so glad i was born to parents who had all the time for me. I have met some of the kids who are brought up by AYA's and there beahviour too ...


  16. Think about can pretty much outsource everything. Schooling, working, parenting, husbanding, etc etc..but then what will you do? if you outsource everything?
    write blogs? or can i outsource that too? to you?

  17. Furthermore, the outsourcing of your bringing up, started the moment your parents put you in school.Your education was outsourced to your school, your health care was outsourced to the family doctors, and your entertainment was outsourced to the cartoon network.
    So it is not just about maids, it is really a structural change in the way we were brought up and the way we are today.
    Maybe in the near future we will see the emergence of a pay per use model, instead of the headaches of an outsourced model.Then we would have truly evolved.

  18. To top it all often I fail to distinguish between moms and maids....its embarrassing!Gurgaon is all about 4 maids, 4 dogs, 4 cars and 1 child.

  19. Varsha...Agreed, a neglected childhood has long term repercussions. And quality-time is a feel good term, coined to keep the guilt pangs away.

    Sangeeta...The fault lies with others, not me :)

    Always Happy...Money can't buy everything.

  20. Bikram...I hope the girl who plans to marry you reads this :) But the first three years, the child needs hands on parenting.

    Menon...And someday man will outsource living a life to some other willing person?
    It's such a bother anyway :p

    Alka...LMAO...tell me about it!

  21. Err..You are scaring me now..It's kinda grey right?But then won't these Ayah-aided-mummies miss out on all the little things about bringing up the little ones?

  22. True! The young parents should be extremely careful. You have mentioned all the good points. I have only two more things to contribute: 1) Don't let your kids play on the highway. 2) Don't allow them to swim in shark-infested water.

  23. so true...and then you blame your children for not taking care of you...
    while reading your post i remembered the chaos that happened when the domestic helps were cleaned off from Gurgaon during CWG...ppl were pissed of because their ayahs were not coming...not because there was a injustice that was being done...

  24. Very very thoughtful post...Do u know why we have slums all over our cities. Because we want cheap labor and we want them at arm's length...
    I have rarely seen women who did sacrifice for their family. But it's tough for them having to sacrifice their careers... and a strange feeling of being unwanted!

  25. [I apologize for a really long comment]

    The following lines sum up my judgement on the whole issue:

    "Today’s modern living dictates that we don’t go beyond one or two kids. The least they deserve is our time. Every minute you spend with your baby brings you closer to her."

    It is a eerie feeling if whatever you have written is an upward trend.

    Somehow, it is a sickening value system of priorities if the businessman has successfully convinced the woman to take pride in her productivity and cosmetic shopping with respect to taking care of the poor little toddler. Somehow, we are diminishing the glorious value of a mother playing with her baby. That should continue to be the poster-picture for our species and what do we have instead - some productivity BS about 8% growth.

    Elaborating on the conspiracy of the business interests, Noam Chomsky on how corporate America has figured out how to make everyone in the middle class work :
    "In fact welfare programmes in the united states are well below any other country – its one of the most miserly countries in the world, largely because we have weak unions – it correlates pretty well – and what there was has declined radically. The AFPC union has had its membership decline by 50% since 1970, with devastating effect on families and children. But it has to go down more. And the people on it – the welfare mothers – they have to driven to the workforce. There is an interesting assumption here which nobody seems to challenge, and that is they are not working. Like, if your raising children that’s not work, right? So your husband looses his job you have got to go out to workforce – but your not working when your raising children and that just comes free, like every thing else women do. ‘Real’ work is the kind of stuff you get paid for. "

  26. I was reading about this guy who outsourced all his work as part of an experiment. Even arguing with wife and worrying.. I will post about it soon.

  27. So well put.

    Do not become a parent just for the sake of it, if you're not willing to live through the joys, and yes, the pains of parenthood.

    Following your blog now.

  28. Jon...It's not easy to give up your dreams and sit at home to take take of your baby. But one can always go back after a gap of few years.

    flawsophy...In the US it's worse. At least in our country we have our family support system to fall back on.

    Harish....HA...Really?? Can't wait to read it.

    Damyanti....The joy always outweighs the pain.

  29. Blue Lotus...Maybe they are not interested.

    Giribala...LMAO...thank you for your pearls of wisdom :D

    SUB...Oh it was chaotic...for weeks we had piled up garbage in our complex.

  30. When my wife got a job when our kid was only 8 months, I allowed her to work as we were struggling to make both ends meet. But when I realized my kid was having a torrid time without her mother, I forced my wife to quit after just one month. Money is important but our children are more important.

    I'm not saying mothers should not work, but a maid cannot substitute a mother. Like master card ad, you can say, 'money can buy a maid, but mother is priceless'

    Great article, Purba.

  31. 'Try being just a Mom to your children – this is the least they deserve'...Perfect and so true!

  32. Joshi...You cannot purchase maternal love, it's priceless.
    And thank you.

    Arti...Glad you agree.

  33. Too Much dependency has screwed up our life , the more we are going into that comfort zone , the more we are getting lazy. loosing on patience ...etc... which is vital aspect of life.

    It was in the news 2 days back that one maid kidnapped the son of a businessman from Maharani bagh , which clears the air a bit ..luckly they rescued the son which was nice to hear.

  34. Very nice blog!! I agree with you.. parents getting a Nanny for their kid without it being a neccessity is quite popular today,... but I don't llke it.. I would have prefered it if my mom took care of me.. instead of having someone else do so.. oh well too late now.. I'm all grown up... but I know how it feels.. so I won't be doing that to my kids.

  35. Good one Purba..its going to get worse though..wait and watch

  36. very very true. I would never want a child to be more attached to someone else, other than their mother.

  37. You have put it well when you say, "Who do a half hearted job and make a mess of it?". I see many people having children just for the sake of having them. Can they take the responsibility of taking care of the child does not occur to them. It looks like more of a status to them. The child's life is an emotional turmoil in the end.

  38. hmm sadly this is true! The problem arises since both parents are working, have to pay home loan, car loan, etc loan EMIs, also because once the mom/dad (mostly the mom) leaves her job it's never easy to find another one.

    I'd prefer the situation in your post if the maid was replaced by grandparents. The kid would grow in their warmth n care!
    Nice post Purba!!

  39. After observing the daily cores here in US, I am doubly convinced that we Indians are blessed that one can hire
    a domestic help in case of dire need as well as to look after household work any time of the day!

  40. Vivek...Thank God the baby was rescued and for once Delhi Police rose to the occasion.

    Emmy..I am sure your Mom would have had her reasons. When you grow up, you will understand her better.

    Maitreyee...Not a comforting thought.

  41. Ganu...What people do not understand that a neglected childhood has long time repercussions.

    Ambika...The grandparents have their own life to live. Not many want to give up their hard earned freedom.

    Ayyangar Sir..True, our domestic helps make our life much easier. But it is the excessive dependence that screws things up.

  42. hmm, to which I've got to add "willing grandparents"!

  43. hi purba!
    im back after a hiatus and enjoying ur latest. all i have to say is that i was in gurgaon for 2 years and i had 2 helping hands with 2 kids and a royal life. and then we moved to switzerland with no help- it was hard in the begining but im im now really much close to my bachchas than i used to be. its like i said in my latest post- love means compromise, getiing hurt, going thru the pain!

  44. Priyanka...And what's more, the child gets confused

    Ambika...Yupp, most of us are left to our own devices.

    confusedyuppie...So good to have you back. And yes, love aint an easy thing, you have to earn it.

  45. One of the scariest thing about having maids to raise your kids is the possibility of some disease in the girl/woman. Didn't we see the mother of Ishan confessing to having hired a maid without police verification? leave alone police verification, how many of us get a medical check up done for the maid before entrusting our precious child to her care?

    A thought provoking post. And I agree that couples should defer having a baby till they can take responsibility for her in all senses.

  46. A relevant topic no doubt. But i don't agree with you totally. Cos with every generation the rules and circumstances change. MY mum was a committed homemaker who worked diligently to bring we 4 sisters. I gave up my career to raise my daughters. Many of my contemporaries managed both career and a job, but the situation in every household is unique. Now for the new gen, maid is a necessity even if you are not working. I have seen it in my family. Both the working and the non working daughters -in -law have maids exclusively for kids besides for other chores.

    But the new gen is also smart. While keeping a maid, they do know how to add the personal touch in parenting. They in no way neglect their kids. its just that the number of hours spend with the child is less as the young Mum goes for everything like a girls day out, gym, dance classes etc.

    This is all in line with the changing times. I am eager to know how my girls will fare when the time comes :)

  47. Nice.
    The links are a bit distracting though...esp the 'ayah' link takes us to the Koran & Bible!

  48. Zephyr...The medical checkup is a very valid point you have raised. I guess most of us overlook a lot of things for the sake of convenience.

    Abha...I am not against maids. When I started working, I had a full time nanny, who took care of my daughter. It's about knowing where to draw the line. Many get too complacent.

    Restless Souldier...LOL is that?

  49. Thought provoking post Purba. Being in the US for a bit, I can well understand the need for domestic help and value them several thousand times more than I ever did when it was easily available in India. I don't have kids yet, (I can barely manage my household without all that supposedly ubiquitous help!), but this certainly shattered my perception of how much easier it would be to ever raise kids even with domestic help! Not encouraging indeed!

  50. Purba - Loved reading this.
    Soon we will be "outsourcing" all aspects of a marriage - domestic work, parenting, ??? what next ???
    We've got to draw a line somewhere, isn't it?
    Hey, Purba, have you got a copy of my book COCKTAIL - there is a story in there called LIFE PROCESS OUTSOURCING - I guess it covers all these aspects!

  51. very well crafted article I must say.The play of words and a little bit of fact ,a little bit of humor and irony blended well.Yes ,the fact is that most of us try to find the easy way out by having a maid/outsource our parnethood.I liked the way you described the maid going everywhere like the hutch puppy:))So true!And the part were you described the girl being self centered changing into a mature responsible caless 'lady'after her motherhood,is what I could relate to myself. Again,well written ...

  52. I absolutely agree with u - If one has had kids, better take care of them. Or do not have them at all. But then where is the father and the fatherhood in all this? Most Indian men think their job is over the moment they have contributed their sperm. Where are the Daddies changing the diapers, pacifying a hysterical child? Why only the woman juggling her career and kids and home?

  53. Richa...Wait till you read my post, The Bumbling Mum Diary :p
    And don't worry, motherhood is the most beautiful experience in the world.

    Vikram Karve...Will try to grab a copy soon.

    Raji...Delighted that you could relate to the sentiments expressed.

    Shilpa...As if we"ll let him get away with it!
    Of course he is expected to do his bit, parenthood should be a shared responsibility. But it's the mother the child needs the most.

  54. Lady as usual Bang on the nail. I don't have kids as yet, I have been married for 4 years now and almost every person who talks to me asks me when am I planning one. Hello ! I have a husband who travels 5 days a week and I just don't believe in the whole ayah concept. What will she teach my child. But hey does the world understand that. The great Indian society, if ur at an eligible age, get married, if ur married have kids. Endless nonsense, n I have seen so many women have kids without wanting them and then discarding them as unwanted it pains me.

  55. Oh my goodness -- what a beautiful, refreshing and well-written post. You certainly have your priorities straight! And a wonderful way of expressing yourself. I'm so happy I came across this post.

    You are right. Parenting is not a lark. And even if it comes upon us with the suddenness of being thrown from a car -- if you don't jump right up and assume the role, you will miss out on the most amazing opportunity in your life.

    For to live as a parent is to let something else take over a large part of your life. And only then can you figure out just who you are. When your time with yourself is so limited.

    And to live as a parent is to matter -- to your child. And that is a gift.

    Thanks for the great thoughts!

  56. I too am not comfortable with watching kids being raised by ayahs and maids, the saddest is when the maid herself is a child only a little older than this supposedly privileged (!) child. Park and play time used to be our fun time with kids - but many parents have no concept of spending time or having fun with the kids. A lot of parents see playing etc as a waste of time (even today) so they feel the only time children need with parents is to discipline them or maybe to 'teach' them (career is important) - even if they do not have the patience, aptitude or the skill to 'teach' a subject!

    But I also think parenting should be seen as a joint responsibility of both the parents. When my kids were young, whenever my husband was home, we all went to the park, swimming pool and outings together, and many times he took the kids out alone to give me a break.

  57. Rituparana...If you marry, you must procreate logic escapes me. Only you know when you are ready to be a parent - I wish people would respect that.

    play101...And I was so happy when I read your delightful comment. Who doesn't love to be praised.
    Our children deserve the best of us - why deprive them of this simple joy.

    IHM...Agree...and it is during these formative years you build a lifelong bond. It is these moments that bring you closer to your child.

  58. This issue particularly is becoming a concern in the Indian society. I had a working mom and I was fortunate to be raised by my grandparents and dad. When I started working (Delhi)my roomie and I decided to keep a fulltime maid to make our lives blissful.In the process I became so very dependent on her for everything, she even used to do our grocery and bazzar. I didn't learn how to cook, to drive, to do sabzi-grocery, cleaning, laundry etc etc. Till then I used to think this is how my life would be. Call it Divine vengeance and I got married and landed in United States. Fast forward to 2011. I live in a townhouse of three floors and I do the vacuuming, cleaning and bathrooms all by myself. I do the driving and grocery. I am my own electrician, plumber, gardener, cook, cleaner. I have managed ourselves without a help for four years and I don't feel the need for it too. I am also an attorney by profession and I work full time. When I visit India and I see how my sisters-in law (one enjoys the Army life and other Mumbai life) keep complaining about their helps and how their life stops when they don't turn in, I see myself exactly 4 years back. And I am going to raise my kids without a nanny. This is not to show-off but if I can do it so can the rest of us.

  59. What you have written is so true. It is the same scene in my apartment as well - park filled with kids and maids.

    I hope my kid is there too. But I sure don't see my maid :)

    In all honesty, we really felt guilty about employing a nanny to take care of our kid. But with both of us working, there was not any alternative. At least that's how we convinced ourselves.

  60. Purba,
    You missed writing about the father's role in this whole bizness you know ... When a woman works, and its helping the household income in some way, the man is supposed to lend a hand. If he cannot lend a hand, hire a bai -its simple. Else, with a 9 to 5(or more) job, coming home and doing all the baby work (even with a cook/maid) can be a burden.
    However, i'm not ok with leaving the kid with a help when he's already spent the day in daycare, and this is exactly why i take my child to the park, bathe him, feed him, and commute him to day care and back all alone. But really, all the chores of parenting seem to fall entirely on the mother's shoulders (though parent is a unisex term) and it does get too much without enough support specially when the kid is under 2 yrs.

  61. Hi,

    My mother worked for a few years when me and my brother were old enough (11 and 7) and it gave her a lot of confidence and a sense of achievment. Being from an Army background, some kind of help was always available, but we were NEVER left alone with them.
    I have an engineering degree and I was working outside the house till almost a year before I had my son, but I was very clear on the fact that my child will not be left at home to the mercy of maids , just so that I can have some "me" time. So here I am, a SAHM who outsources most of the housework and does NOT have the patience of a saint, but does have a lively,bubbling two year old who gets bathed,fed,taken to the park,put to bed ,played with , sometimes ignored,scolded,kissed,hugged and loved by mamma (and baba)all day long.
    It's rewarding and exhausting both, and I wouldn't have it any other way.I am ofcourse looking forward to sending him to school next year, and having some time to breathe and blog and paint :D

  62. This is an honest post. Yeah, we are so dependent on household helps, without realizing it. Things get worse and we start to understand their value the day they don’t arrive at our home. Everything then goes haywire. You wonder how to make the breakfast, what to make for breakfast, how to take children to school, how to reach office on time after completing all the household chores, who will bring the children home from school, who will they stay with all day long etc. And these are just few thoughts when our beloved household doesn’t come in time or doesn’t come at all.

    Divya Bhaskar

  63. Truly the parenting is outsourced to creches & Baby day care centers.Those who engage 'Bai' are always under 'threat' & 'Ransom' so much so that they enjoy the 'No salary cut' life.

  64. I totally agree with this "Parenting is not a burden meant to be outsourced, it is an experience meant to be cherished for a lifetime." Teach them well and let them lead the way. Let the childrens laughter remind us on how we used to be.

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  65. Agree entirely. As a matter of fact, parents who think that outsourcing can be justified by the obligations and responsibilities it appears to be meeting might be in for a rude shock as the kids grow up. The long term effects of outsourced parenting more than negate any such "gains" and are usually irreversible. I also wonder what message about life and priorities a child gets from parents who are too busy pursuing material goals to be with their kids.

  66. The best article on parenting I have come across!

  67. Ah! Just came here via HuffingtonPost, Purba. I was wondering how I'd missed this, but then realised it's from a few years back.
    I agree wholeheartedly. Having said that, we do have a lady who works part time between 4-6, who takes my son downstairs to play and watches him during that period. It's not that I can't take care of him, but I do need some time to get my writing and other stuff in order, so it helps.
    But yes, I'm totally against everything being left for the 'help' to do! After all, parenting is a journey that needs to be enjoyed .


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