Modi Unveils Gujarat’s biggest erection and makes India proud

Image courtesy - mangaloretoday.com

When Narendra Modi unveiled his plans for India’s biggest erection, a 600 feet statue of Sardar Patel, it was hailed as the next best thing to have happened to India after the Mars Mission. It is hoped that once the statue of iron and concrete with a bronze outer layer – a fitting tribute to the Iron Man of our country – is complete, India will be catapulted to the elusive superpower club. I mean, if we have our very own Statue of Unity towering at twice the height of the Statue of Liberty, the world will be left with very little choice.

It may be recalled that it was Sardar Patel’s iron fist and will that had herded 500 princely states and their royal families into one nation, under the rule of one Royal Family, the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty. So, it comes as no surprise that he’s remembered as the Iron Man – the one who ironed out the creases of a post independent India with his toil and sweat. With no Yojanas (schemes) or universities and only one measly road and school in Delhi to commemorate the greatness of a man who laid the cast iron foundation of a shaky democracy, it was Modi who excavated Vallabhai’s Gujarati roots, dusted the cobwebs off his memory for future generations to remember his contribution to our country. And what better way than an attack of spondylitis to do that as they crane their necks at an ungainly angle to look up to his towering statue. As they nurse their gnawing pain, visitors can take an open lift to his head to get an inside view of his cranium and his way of thinking. To make Mr Patel a fun person to be with, the premises will also house a memorial, research institute, convention facilities, visitors' centre, hotel, and an amusement park. A special shady alcove will be made for honeymooning couples and amorous lovers, where they can carve ‘Jignesh loving deer Pushpa’ on trees in peace.

Since the Gujarat government is employing the services of the same architectural firm responsible for the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, Tom Cruise has promised to film his stunts on Patel’s statue for his next flick, tentatively titled – Mission Impossible Chhe.

LK Advani, India’s biggest and oldest consumer of sour grapes, announced that the proposed Sardar Patel statue in Gujarat, the tallest in the world, will not only rewrite history but also the Guinness Book of records.

Rahul Gandhi, Congress’s maybe-maybe not Prime Ministerial candidate applauded this gigantic move and said his party has a lot to learn from BJP. But before he could complete his sentence, an MLA from Andhra announced his plan to build a temple in Amma Gandhi’s honour – with an idol that looks more like Sridevi than Sonia Gandhi. It is rumoured that AAP, India’s biggest party of 1 million members and growing, will soon be announcing the installation of a giant Jhaadoo, wrapped in a muffler, to celebrate their sweeping victory at the Delhi elections in cold weather.

The feathered variety has expressed jubilation at the prospect of experiencing the joys of pooping from such dizzying heights. The avian community has launched a hunt for the most eligible bird who will inaugurate Patel jee’s head with its auspicious droppings. It is learnt from reliable sources that a certain pigeon that has been carpet bombing this correspondent’s balcony for the last few years, is a strong contender for the top post.

Pilots are overjoyed at the prospect of a stony faced statesman peeking out from the clouds. We are looking forward to getting blinded by Sardar Patel’s bronzed glory. Mr Jha, twice expelled and twice reinstated Pilot of Air India added that it will be nice to have a strong shoulder to cry on, right outside his window, on days the cabin-crew gives him the silent treatment for finishing off all the liquor on board.

Poor fellow was trying to tank up before landing in the dry state.

Mr Patel was unavailable for his reaction on his memory is being exploited to settle scores between rival political parties, each bent on hijacking his legacy in a game of upmanship. Thankfully he’s too dead to care that 2500 crore of public money (roughly the budget for Robert Vadra’s Z category security) is being spent to build a statue made from iron scrap – a garish display of gigantism that contradicts the very principles he stood for when he was alive.

An irony that India’s original Loh Purush could have done without.

Great men and women would have rather have their legacy immortalised through their influence on future generations than being reduced to a tourist attraction on a certain coastline.

A certain Behenjee who was trounced out of her state for immortalising her ego in stone and concrete, will certainly agree.