Bhansali renames Padmavati to Mayawati and makes her great again

Bhansali bends backwards just like Ramdev.

Image courtesy - google.com

Protests over the movie “Padmavati” took a new turn with Rajput groups coming up with fresh demands of title change. It may be recalled that Karni Sena distressed over a script they had yet to read and a movie that’s yet to be made, beat up Sanjay Leela Bhansali, the director and vandalised the set. The incident drew sharp condemnations from the political community. Union Minister Giriraj Singh accused Bhansali of showing Rani Padma in a bad light just because she was a Hindu. BJP leader, Khandelwal went a step ahead and announced a reward of Rs 10,000 to anyone who hurls a shoe at the director. His fatwa is now being sponsored by Bata.

State President of Karni Sena, Mr Maarkaat Seeng expressing his displeasure said, “The film is deviating from facts about Padmavati presented in Amar Chitra Katha comics. In a WhatsApp rumour circulated in our community group, it has come to our notice that the honour of a queen who’s as fictitious as our outrage, is at stake. We as a community take our comics as seriously as we do rumours and will not tolerate any distortions. Since women can’t seem to make decisions for themselves and always need saving, the Karni Sena was just doing their duty.”

Sanjay Leela Bhansali wasted no time in appeasing the distressed sainiks who had thrashed him mercilessly. Sporting the same shirt lovingly torn by the protestors, he assured them that the romantic dream sequence will have Khilji touching Padmavati’s feet, after which he’ll scream Bharat Mata ki Jai.

The demand for title change was raised at a joint press conference convened by Rajput Sabha to announce that Bhansali needs to grovel some more to seek their permission to make the movie.

Bhansali, was quick to respond before they could take further offence and make his life hell. In a statement issued to the press he said “I’d like to assure the Rajput community, I am extremely sensitive to their sensitive feelings. I am trying my best to make my creative license die of natural causes. My team is in consultation with Salman Khan and his legal team. Mr Khan has assured me, he will run it over with his SUV and make his driver take the blame.”

He further went on to apologise for blatantly distorting the fictitious tale of Rani Padmini and Alauddin Khilji. Khilji, despite having considerable accomplishments to his credit, is only remembered for his unholy lust for someone else’s wife. Padmavati, instead of first bhai-zoning and then blocking him, chose to take her life and made sure her companions did the same. Bitch.

Mr Bhansali is now in talks with everybody who may have an objection to his script and is rewriting to make it objectionless.

It is reported the movie will now be called ‘Mayawati’ and she will be shot in Uttar Pradesh. Immolation is too last century.

The news was celebrated by Karni Sena by hurling shoes at passersby. Mr Khandelwal has yet to reward them.

"Unlike Padmawati, Mayawati will be a much feared queen not known for her beauty. Her only weakness is handbags and elephants. A fearless feminist, she makes her deputies clean her shoes while they are bending to touch her feet." 

" We are trying to present her courageous nature and will incorporate many wresting scenes.” Shobha Klaant, CEO of the Bhansali Productions said. 

“In the new, improved, 5 X stronger, 5688 X more sensitive to anyone’s sensitivity waiting to get offended, Mayawati will be called Behen by everyone including the hero. Khilji’s character will be portrayed as an anti-national who refuses to stand up for the national anthem. He gets beaten up by everyone, including himself. I assure you, our film will make the country proud of Behen Mayawati.”

“In fact, we are thinking of completely doing away with the script and will keep adding and deleting scenes depending on the feelings waiting to getting offended. It will be reviewed from time to time by those who claim to be custodians of our culture but have scant knowledge about it.”

The real Mayawati was unavailable for comments. But it is learnt from reliable sources that the Yadav community may get offended by the title.

“We are now expecting the movie to be never completed. But this is the least we can do for the sake of our culture.” Is what Mr Sanjay Lila Bhansali had to say.