Making your death a truly memorable moment of your life

Death is a very special occasion in our lives. Like birth, it is a once in a lifetime occurrence. Unlike birth, people have seen you for a lifetime before your death. So, when you finally breathe your last after keeping the world on tenterhooks, it’s hardly a surprise to see the world erupt in a tsunami of carefully crafted grief. Nelson Mandela’s was one such demise where millions took to social media to express their admiration to honour his extraordinary life. 7.2 million tweets were generated and 39 million Facebookers shared something besides their selfies. Of course, you have to be a Mandela to have David Cameron, Obama, Bill Clinton call you inspirational and a hero of our times. You can always trust an American senator to accord the highest possible honour and call Mandela “George Washington and Abraham Lincoln” of his country. An enthusiastically grieving Tweeter even went to the extent of RIPing him using Morgan Freeman’s picture. I suppose it was their skin tone and their being around for a while that confused the guy, but both have stature – one famous for playing God on celluloid and the other to South Africans exploited and discriminated against in their own country. 

Image courtesy - Twitter

It was as if everyone, from media houses to the common man, was impatiently waiting for Madiba to bid goodbye, for them to finally vent their grief that they had been storing for so long. In fact New York Times’ obituary had been in the works since 2007. You can imagine their immense relief when he finally obliged. Quite like Tendulkar, an innings a tad short of a century. But unlike him, Mandela got only one chance.

It pays rich dividends to keep the world waiting and not taking them by surprise by popping off suddenly. Everyone gets time to collect their wits, keep the right things ready and not sob like a blabbering fool trying to cope with unexpected loss.

Here lies the catch. Of what use are all the kind words eulogising you and singing paeans to your greatness, when you are no longer alive to read them. Who, beside you, cares enough to google all 1687970 articles, 7.2 million tweets and 39 million Facebook updates written in your honour! It was like everyone around you was waiting for you to die to admire your life.

What a terrible waste of your demise if you can’t experience even a fraction of that hysteria that you generated with your departure!

I hereby demand a 30 minute grace period for all famous and dead people, so that they can at least read some of the glorious tributes tom-tomming their accomplishments. What greater way to honour men and women who had been conveniently relegated to the dustbins of history because they had ceased to be of any use and spent the last years of their lives in abject loneliness and misery!

I can already see you nodding your heads in agreement. Why don’t we forward a petition to the Almighty and make this possible not just for famous men and women but ordinary people like us. The immense satisfaction we’ll get in replying to all the condolences posted in our memory, thank everyone for shedding tears and perhaps retweet a few flattering tweets hailing us as the best thing to have happened to humanity. It will also give us enough time to select the right picture to go with our obituary. We can also take note of those who decided to keep mum, so that we can come back later to haunt them.

I’m sure some of you including yours truly will demand an extra 15 minutes to pack our favourite pairs of shoes, dresses, munchies, books and iPad for our journey to the netherworld. After all, it’s always good to prepare your loved ones for your departure and be well-prepared for a journey of no-return.

The pleasure in knowing that your death generated 2.277 times more tears, chest beating, head banging, and Facebook condolences than that cranky bitch that died last month, will make your own expiry a memorable moment of your afterlife.

What better way to experience Nirvana and truly rest in peace with a smug smile on your face! 

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