Bye Bai Patil Taai

Patil Taai was sunbathing on the beaches of Seychelles, nodding her head to Anup Jalota’s bhajans, her pallu firmly tucked under the sun hat, when she heard the first murmurs. They sounded human. Her head turned a 360° to investigate. All she could see was her grandkids kicking up a sandstorm in the horizon. She gave them a toothy smile and was waving at them Ms Universe style, when she heard a loud crick. Damn spondilytis! Why me? I hardly do any work!

She was gingerly petting a petrified cheetah in South Africa, when she sniffed a strong odour coming all the way from India. Is it the dal I forgot to put in the fridge, before hopping on to Air India One for my last Duniya Dekho trip?

It was stinking. It smelt like criticism. Concerned citizens were outraging about her 205 cr travel bills and her post retirement home in Pune. Pooh! Just because you travel cattle class and squeeze yourself in a 1245 sq ft flat, doesn’t mean I’ll deprive myself. What a bunch of losers!
 
She quickly went into a flashback mode, going back to the momentous day when Her Highness Sonia Jee had appointed her to fill long haired Kalam’s shoes. Of all the smart, dynamic, deserving candidates, it was she, the most obedient and loyal, who had been handpicked. Of course she knew she was a misfit – he wore a size 10 while she wore a size 6 ballerina, yet for the sake of her party she agreed to step in. Tai had never said No in her life, unlike her counterpart in East who has never said yes.

Being a yes-woman has it perks - Tai was appointed the Nation’s Head while Didi has appointed herself as the National headache.

Secretly, PP couldn’t stop admiring Sonia Madam’s act of bravado. Imagine replacing Kalam, one of the best Presidents the country’s ever had, with a lady whose dubious credentials make her the laughing stock of the country? But Pratibha was relieved that she had a worthy predecessor in once upon a time President, Giani Zail Singh. If Giani was willing to become a sweeper for Indira Gandhi then Tai was more than willing to clean her utensils.

Even as she was scouring dirty utensils, PP Tai had always known that she was destined for greatness. Her pet, dead Baba of Mt Babu had sent a direct message on Twitter warning her of her impending exalted status.

All my bags are packed...I’m ready to go...I’m leaving on a jet plane~~





That’s exactly what she had been doing, during her five year term as President– leaving on a jet plane, shaking hands with world leaders, posing and stunning them with her wit, attending state buffets (burp) and asking – humse trade karoge? But before anyone could say no, she would rush off to play TT.

Yet the ungrateful nation was accusing her of turning the Rashtrapati Bhawan into a retirement retreat. Which retiree in her right mind will travel all the way to Latin America, to promote her son’s business? Show me someone who has the “pratibha” to spend so much, in doing so little!

PPP (Prez Pratibha Patil) Patil Tai made no distinctions between relatives and party, party and government, merging them all into one happy family – Vasudeva Kutumbakam!

As a doting mother, she lobbied for her son to be given a Congress ticket in the 2009 assembly elections. As a loving sister she protected her brother in a murder case. An obedient wife who let her husband Devi Singh run a parallel office and poke his nose in official appointments.

A colourless, forgettable President who will be best remembered for her blind devotion to her family.




Nobody was willing to accept that she had actually saved tax payer’s money, combining family vacations with official visits. Nobody was applauding the commendable restraint she had shown as Commander-in- Chief of the Armed forces – choosing to keep mum during civilian-army strife and making feeble noises only when the crisis had blown over. Where was the applause for working so silently that her achievements during her 5 year tenure are the world’s kept secret! Ironically, all people care to know is, she plays TT with a delightful expression and beach bums in Goa in a sari.

But when PPP Tai put forth her pertinent arguments, all she could hear was laughter. When she demanded that people respect the post of the President, it was selected as the best joke for World Laughter Day! Some cad even had the temerity to suggest that she had taken out the P out of the post of President and turned it into Resident- Pratibha Patil.

Don’t forget, it is entirely due to her efforts, she had got the entire nation interested in who the next President will be. The top post of the world’s largest democracy that has been relegated to a mere figurehead, thanks to selfish political manoeuvrings... A figurehead, who has been relegated to a joke by an insecure ruling party that deliberately chooses pliant heads... Where having an opinion is considered a crime and you are rewarded for being a mere rubberstamp.... A President who has been reduced to a resident...

The Nation that should have been so proud to get its first woman President has no kind words for the lady who will be remembered for putting her self-interest above the country. The worst that followed the best.

Bye, bai Patil Tai, we will not shed a single tear for you.

Source - http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?280623

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/a-suitable-president/946944/

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