Maqbool is Fida again

Courtesy - cartoon exhibition.blogspot.com

Hussain’s dil to bachha hai. The artiste’s fascination for tinsel town ladies is no secret. He usually picks them up from the larger than life Suraj Barjatiya family flicks. The great Indian parivaar that has at least 52 deliriously happy members who hardly work, they sing and dance with gusto, have an undying passion for Antakshari, get married with alarming regularity and give bling a whole new meaning. The cute Pomeranian completes the picture. How sweet. Now I am deviating, I was talking about Maqbaool’s fascination for women young enough to be his granddaughter.

An artiste is always in search of a muse. Take Picasso, the world’s first rock star artist. The bohemian Casanova used a string of women (Marie-Thérèse, Olga Fernande, Eva, Dora, Francoise, Jacqueline to name a few) for their youth, beauty, suffering and humiliation to pave the way for his dizzying success. He wrung them to the last drop before he moved on to other beautiful women.  Pablo Picasso may have been the father of cubism and modern art, but he certainly was the king of use and throw.

Thankfully the Picasso of India, MF Hussain’s track record is not as evil. The artiste now on a self imposed exile in Qatar, is content with painting horses, Hindu goddesses in the buff and watching movies starring his femme fatales. The incurable romantic and the lover of mush, watches them not once, but again and again (he watched Hum Apke hain Kaun 73 times!). Once is not enough to get a glimpse of his Apsaraa in her purple sari doing her jhatka and matkas, fluttering her eyelashes on the 70mm screen, smiling coyly as she tugs at her dupatta - how sweet. Yeh dil abhi bharaa nahin. His last victim was Anushka Sharma, apparently he watched Band Baja Barat 8 times. Buss?

Just when you thought the world acclaimed artiste at 95 has hung up his non-existent chappals, the man comes up another ace. Vidya Balan, the thinking man’s sex symbol, has bewitched Hussain with her ample charms. And no, he’s not satisfied with just watching her movies, this time he wants more. He wants to paint Balan in the altogether.



Vidya is baffled and understandably so. She has the onerous task of seeking permission from 523,467 members of the moral police. Bala Saheb at 86 may not be able to take the shock and might want to send her packing to Doha with Hussain. Beti Balan, this shall not be tolerated in amchi Mumbai. Shiv Sena, Ram Sene, Ram Kumar Srivastav from Ujjain, Mangat Ram - the out of work lawyer from Ranchi with his Chunnu Munnus, the self appointed keepers of Indian culture who have been trying to file an obscenity case against Khajuraho – she can’t possibly afford to get into their bad books. Yes, she is allowed to rub Zandu balm on her bum, croon teasingly about her jawani, wink, heave her bosom but THIS shall not be tolerated. Dare to disobey us and we will hound you, gherao you, slap a dozen cases against you and Madam Vidya, you will spend the rest of your life jogging in and out of courts.

This, my friend is India, the holiest of holy land, where only ash-smeared Sadhus are allowed to get naked. Our Maa, behens better cover up, we anyway prefer them gori, imported and on the net.

Vidya – time to tell them you don’t care, we are waiting, go for it girl! It’s time to get immortalized by Hussain.

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