Stop trying to educate Sex!

Image courtesy -iTricks.com

Our esteemed Health Minister, Dr Harsh Vardhan is of the opinion that sex education needs to be banned in schools. It may be his personal belief but I publicly agree with him.

Not even in his wildest dreams had Dr Vardhan imagined that someone would actually want to read his clean musings on dirty sex on his personal website. But that’s what people do when you are in the limelight. They start digging out old dirt in search of juicy nuggets from the past. And now his closed mind is out in the open.

As an adarsh nari who fakes headaches because she thinks sex is so chhee chhee, I completely get our newly appointed Health Minister’s sentiments. Sex has no business getting educated. It’s best left as it is – in the dark, behind closed doors, misunderstood, misused and manipulated for personal gains. In fact, sex should be treated the way women should have been in the first place – kept in the dark, and preferably in bondage. Look what education turned them into – out of control banshees, refusing to be oppressed and demanding respect - in other words, a feminist! Tell me, do we need another Frankenstein of our own making rearing its educated head?

Same goes for our children. It is unacceptable that they be burdened with knowledge that doesn’t help them pursue their parents’ dream of becoming a Nobel Laureate. It’s better for their well-being that they continue to believe that their parents had nothing to do with their conception and they were born through cross-pollination.

If our young are being troubled by hormones that make them get unholy feelings and do hanky-panky with the opposite sex, they should simply lie on their back and point their toes towards the ceiling.

That’s why one can’t help but admire the genius of Dr Harsh Vardhan for recommending that Yoga be made compulsory in schools. Look how well it has worked for Baba Ramdev! All he had to do was sit still and twitch his stomach muscles violently to repel Rakhi Sawant’s amorous designs on him.

Since Dr Vardhan’s new found modern views are meant only for public consumption to give their wagging tongues a rest, he has clarified that sex can be educated but not with crudity and graphic representation of culturally objectionable symbols . It goes against the very ethos of Indian culture that believes in keeping mum about sex because we are all so busy doing it. How else can you explain our population that continues to grow by leaps and bounds every day!

A culture so rich that it uses sex as a tool to subjugate – as cuss words to vent our frustration, as an act to intimidate, as an outlet for the perverted. Why talk about it and remove the taboos associated with it? We are better off fearing and condemning sex than accepting it as the most natural thing.

After all, it’s better having double standards than no standards at all.

Help is being sought from Hindi movie lyricists who have been successfully describing intimate acts between men and women without the mention of unmentionable body parts. NCERT has approached them to design course material for sex education that will rely solely on the use of the inanimate like - hum toh tambu mein bambu lagaaye baithe or kabootars that chadh gaya oopar re, atariya pe lotan kabootar re, gutur gutur, gutur, gutur..... With the inclusion of such lessons, our children will start treating khatiyas, bumboo and pigeons with new found respect.

Till then we should expect our school kids to emulate what their elders did when they were young –educate themselves through great works of literature by Sydney Sheldon, James Hadley Chase and Mastram or continue with the current practise of downloading ‘adult-rated’ movies starring Uncles and Aunties with breathing troubles.

On a serious note, we may go blue in our faces denying it, but the truth is, our current crop has access to more information about sex than we ever did. But what they read and browse on the net is far from the correct picture. Do we want our kids to think that most homemakers are bored nymphos ready to pounce on any salesman that knocks on their door? Isn’t it time we told them that sex is not someone’s depraved fantasy being played out to titillate? If our education system refuses to tread this tricky terrain, it becomes our duty as parents to remove all taboos associated with sex. Talk about it instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist. What our children really need is our understanding that the so called unclean thoughts that torment their minds are perfectly normal. Hey kid, it’s okay to desire someone. Let me tell you, sex is not dirty, some people are.

If only Dr Vardhan knew that sex-education doesn’t titillate but misinformation and the shroud of secrecy around it does. In fact, when delivered right, it empowers our young to make the right choices.