The Gift of Gifting

Courtesy - cartoonstock.com

Whoever said “love don’t cost a thing” was clearly bullshitting and challenged in the grammar department. Whoever tried to console us with “it’s the gesture that counts and not the credit card bill” was in reality trying to console his surly lover, who refused to talk to him after he gifted her a plain gold ring.

If you love someone, be ready to spend. It’s even better if you go bankrupt while trying to win her over.

Girls are simple creatures. Look into her eyes, call them limpid pools, tell her that her beauty makes you asthmatic, her thoughts give you insomnia…Make sure you look intense, sigh deeply and tell her how hopeless you are without her. Love is about surrender. Convince her that you are ready to follow her like an obedient puppy and rest assured she’ll be whimpering – what have I done to deserve you. See! How simple it is?
 

To seal the deal, ply her with gifts. Start with cute knick-knacks, move on the mined metals and settle for polished carbon. There are a 1001 ways you can make a girl happy.

Depending on how much, how little, how long, how short you intend to love her, you can adjust your budget accordingly. If you are surviving on Bank of Mummy and Daddy, you head straight for Archies and buy cute lil mugs, teddies or baubles for her. Chocolates make her happy, a pretty clutch will make her happier and if you are really desperate to impress, gift a bottle of perfume. Stoles, scarves, hair accessories, tops, kurtas, tees, make-up, flowers, watch, gadgets, fancy jewellery…phew! You don’t even have to think for five minutes before you head off for the store, to pick-up something special for her. All you need is a big heart and a bigger bank balance.

Plus you are never short of occasions to make her happy. The first anniversary of jab we met. I just got my promotion, she just got hers, her birthday, her cat’s birthday, the-weather-is-so-divine day, Valentines’ Day and if you are married – every week is an occasion to celebrate! And the icing on the cake is the mind-boggling variety of presents you can buy for her.

And if you want to piss her off really badly, buy her kitchen appliances. See! How simple it is to annoy her?
 

Now let’s do a role-reversal. What do you buy for your man to make him happy? Let’s consider our options. Shirts in checks, stripes or plain, tees in navy, green, white, black or grey, perfumes/after shaves, wallets, belts and THAT’S IT! He doesn’t wear make-up, can’t buy cute hair-accessories for him, he hates pink, jewellery makes him feel like a sissy, the watch he prefers is too damn expensive, he’d rather buy his gadgets himself, he doesn’t read books but journals and the last time he wrote with a pen was in college! So, by the time you’ve been together for a year, you have exhausted every single option.

So, what do we do? We go the extra mile to make him feel special. We fast for his long life, cook for him and his friends, dress up and slip into painful stilettoes for his sake, cry and sometimes even laugh for him. The laughing at him stage starts once you’ve been together for decades. While all he needs to do is go to the Coach store and pick up that pretty clutch in jade!

Now do you agree how simple it is to make women happy and how tough it is to make him squeal in delight when he unwarps his present? Now do you realize why women complain of a headache?

And despite all this, they have the temerity to complain that it’s so difficult to make a woman happy?

Damn it, just buy her a nice, thoughtful gift that she can show-off to her friends!