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| mrpshow.deviantart.com |
Thanks to sex determination, fewer girls are born, if they are born they do not survive, if they survive, a far from rosy future awaits them. The sex ratio is heading south and things have come to such a stage that in certain parts of the country, prospective grooms are forced to buy a bride. And do you know what happens when a bride is bought? She is treated no better than a slave.
In Punjab and Haryana, there are only 830 girls per thousand boys. Other states are faring no better. No wonder sex crimes are on the rise. Logic will dictate that since girls are fewer, they will be valued. On the contrary, it encourages abuse. Girls often get abducted, drugged, beaten and forced into sex trade.
I know what you are thinking. Why is she painting such a grim picture? Such things don’t happen to our girls! We pamper our daughters, we treat our mothers with respect. It’s a malady restricted to the lower echelons of the society. Yet, educated women get harassed for dowry and are driven to suicide. They might have to face a sexist boss at work or fend off an amorous colleague. A young college girl was shot dead by her stalker. A woman was chopped into pieces by her suspicious husband. A daughter was brutally killed by her family for the sake of honour. Her mother didn’t shed a single tear.
Incidents of rape have increased by a staggering 792% (yes you read it right) over the last 40 years. Ironically the conviction rate in rape and molestation is a dismal 27%. Men know they will get away with it. They can always point fingers at her and say – she asked for it.
I have countless memories of getting brushed inappropriately, of a seemingly harmless pat that lingered too long, of men stalking me. Young girls are the easiest target – they are unable to comprehend and mostly too scared to react. As a young girl it baffled me, now it fills me with fury. Was I asking for it?
I agree on certain fronts, women have never had it better – they are leading successful companies, heading governments, defying conventions, going where no woman has gone before. ICICI’s Chanda Kochhar became the first woman to get the ET Biz leader award. Mamata Banerjee overthrew the CPI(M) after 34 years of misrule. The country’s PM reports to a woman.
I have a theory here, most men have a problem handling assertive women. They do not know whether they should treat her with awe or contempt. If she says what she thinks, she’s a bitch. If she has guy friends, she’s a slut. If she wears makeup she’s fake, if she doesn’t she is a behenjee. It’s like one cannot do anything without being labelled.
The more she tries to move forward, the more she’s pulled back. You had no business being out so late at night. You were drunk, what were you thinking! How dare you spurn my advance! You need to be taught a lesson.
I know many of you will dismiss it as yet another feminist rant. But remember, next time it could be someone you love. No one is safe. Families, who don’t think twice before snuffing life out of their baby girls, remember there will come a time when there will be no women left for your darling boy. Will you also buy a bride?
I have been seething with rage ever since I read about the battered baby Falak fighting for her life at AIIMS trauma centre. The two year old baby girl was admitted with severe bruises on her body, broken arms, head injuries and bite marks on her body. The perpetrator of this crime, a 14 year old girl forced into sex trade. The child is fighting for her life but you know what! I don’t want her to live. Falak will grow up in a country where even an 80 year old destitute woman gets digitally raped by a 19 year old boy. A boy young enough to be her grandson.
Minds are getting dirtier, crimes nastier. Perversion knows no limit. We need to stop letting our daughters believe they are the weaker sex. They should be able to defend themselves physically and not hesitate in reporting such instances. You are weak only if you think you are. You are a victim only if you suffer silently. We need sensitivity, intervention and engagement. If a crowd of ten witnesses a man trying to molest a woman, should they not intervene? What stops them from thrashing cads who think a woman is no more than an object. If you choose to be a mere spectator, you are guilty as well! Laws punishing sexual assault exist but we need stricter implementation. It’s not just a physical assault, its mental trauma and loss of faith. Such cases should be dealt with sensitivity and not sympathy.
I have a theory here, most men have a problem handling assertive women. They do not know whether they should treat her with awe or contempt. If she says what she thinks, she’s a bitch. If she has guy friends, she’s a slut. If she wears makeup she’s fake, if she doesn’t she is a behenjee. It’s like one cannot do anything without being labelled.
The more she tries to move forward, the more she’s pulled back. You had no business being out so late at night. You were drunk, what were you thinking! How dare you spurn my advance! You need to be taught a lesson.
I know many of you will dismiss it as yet another feminist rant. But remember, next time it could be someone you love. No one is safe. Families, who don’t think twice before snuffing life out of their baby girls, remember there will come a time when there will be no women left for your darling boy. Will you also buy a bride?
I have been seething with rage ever since I read about the battered baby Falak fighting for her life at AIIMS trauma centre. The two year old baby girl was admitted with severe bruises on her body, broken arms, head injuries and bite marks on her body. The perpetrator of this crime, a 14 year old girl forced into sex trade. The child is fighting for her life but you know what! I don’t want her to live. Falak will grow up in a country where even an 80 year old destitute woman gets digitally raped by a 19 year old boy. A boy young enough to be her grandson.
Minds are getting dirtier, crimes nastier. Perversion knows no limit. We need to stop letting our daughters believe they are the weaker sex. They should be able to defend themselves physically and not hesitate in reporting such instances. You are weak only if you think you are. You are a victim only if you suffer silently. We need sensitivity, intervention and engagement. If a crowd of ten witnesses a man trying to molest a woman, should they not intervene? What stops them from thrashing cads who think a woman is no more than an object. If you choose to be a mere spectator, you are guilty as well! Laws punishing sexual assault exist but we need stricter implementation. It’s not just a physical assault, its mental trauma and loss of faith. Such cases should be dealt with sensitivity and not sympathy.
I know it sounds harsh but shouldn’t men who abuse babies and toddlers be sent behind bars for life! Or better still, they should be castrated! Isn't it time we started demanding zero tolerance!
Till then this is no country for women.
Till then this is no country for women.
Source :-
hmm very thought provoking and unfortunate. It is very rare to find a two girl family even in cities. Why? Because the girls are being killed before they are born, more so if it is a second child.
ReplyDeleteI have just one child and she's a girl :)
DeleteIt's tragic that despite a metropolitan upbringing, our mindsets are still stuck in the dark ages.
I agree 100 % .. This is a country that will say women who dress provocately were asking for rape rather than question the perverted mentality of its men ....
ReplyDeleteIt's a convenient excuse for their own perversion.
DeleteCouldn't agree more
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteAn extremely well written article about the problem of females in modern day , read working ,educated, upper class women of metro cities, and Delhi particular some of the points need to be clearer; one of it is for whom and against who the crusade is targeted , cxause The plight of man is no rosier although if you leave aside the rape and female foetisides , The death rate among men is higher then females for the simple reason that man have to go out more for the shake of earning , and as for girl child , Women trditionally has been the worst enmy of another women . If the whole problem can be classified as social problem instead of Female problem it can be better handled , This sort of handling makes it a male vs Female problem wjhich is far from truth . Whatever liberty women gets today is mostly because of some men,who fought tooth and nail for femalaes ,selflessly long ago , lets not forget it. Isolated cases of victimisatisatin doesnot justify demonisation of Males as a whole , I wish well of all women ,and feel proud of any women who dares and makes an identity of their own in this age ,But often feel isolated and misunderstood and sometimes victimised by viscious feminist
ReplyDeleteThis is not a battle of sexes. The point I wanted to make is, women in India have it much worse than their counterparts in other countries.
DeleteA true report which always comes very often. people read and forget. its true that no one wants to anything even if they see just because there is no law for people who speak truth or support truth. everything is currept. i used to stay in the same city where u stay now. it was like living every day in fear. the only option left was to leave it. unless there is a fear that any thing done wrong will make any ones life miserable later by law nothing can change and will change.
ReplyDeleteI do understand what you are trying to say. Most of us hesitate reporting to police and Delhi Police is not exactly known for it's friendliness. The victim is often victimized and hounded. But do make things better by keeping quiet?
DeleteMajority of the antisocial behaviors starts from domestic conflicts & maladjustments at home. Lets try correcting it right there and work towards a better tomorrow where every human being will be respected and secure irrespective of the gender.
ReplyDelete"A man who treats any girl like a princess is a proof that he was raised by a king & queen". Found this quote on FB and thought it will be apt sharing here.
Tragically abuse victims often end up as abusers.
DeleteAgree when you say upbringing plays a huge role towards making us well rounded individuals.
THIS POST EXPOSES THE GRUESOME FACE OF OUR SO CALLED DEVELOPING SOCIETY .THANKS.
ReplyDeleteYes, makes you wonder whether we are headed the right way.
DeleteA very honest and hard hitting post! Purba, besides the factors you have just listed there are a few more reasons which I say with even more confidence as I see the world,after having trotted quite a few place over the globe in over 15 years! Our people in authority are responsible for weak implementation of laws, general lack of sensitivity, more so in North India, and very weak values imparted in life by the parents in even educated class! A big pat to you for highlighting this menace which needs to be handled with zero tolerance!
ReplyDeleteOur children get abused, women assaulted and they are expected to suffer silently. Tragically laws can be twisted, silence can be bought and the victim spends a lifetime waiting for justice.
DeleteWhatever you've said above is undeniably true. But you know what Purba, This is no country for humans rather than just girls and women. Crime and corruption are sparing no one. And if you care to watch enough, men are being murdered in far greater numbers than women. This is a country where you have to grease the palms of the vultures at the mortuaries to get your dead loved ones ravaged and clumsily returned and the wood-seller grossly shortchanges you with the stuff that you buy to cremate their mortal remains. You get urea in place of milk and spurious drugs for the sick. The rich and criminals ridicule justice and treat the policemen like curs and courts falter (and tremble?) in dispensing justice. Since I must stop somewhere, I wish to conclude that the abysmal picture that you have painted encompasses all. In a horrendous state of breakdown of morality, law and order, the weak will always suffer: the foetuses, the girls, the women, the poor and the honest.
ReplyDeleteBang on...
DeleteAgree Uma,we do not value life in India. Accident victims bleed to death, bomb blast victims receive token sympathy, people die of hunger..
DeleteBut if the politician is corrupt, the laws weak, how does it justify some animal brutally raping a two year old! Or a girl burnt alive because she spurned someone's advance.
True. This country is no place for the honest, weak and poor and of course women, most of whom fall in the above categories, sometimes in all of them.
DeleteSpot on by Umashankar sums up clearly the anger, frustration and the chaos within me... We as a nation got independence but increasingly spiralling into a state of characterless and spineless society.
DeleteWell said, Umashankar
Deleteyou reminded me of Taslima nasreen. being feminist and wearing that badge with pride .
ReplyDeleteFeminist is such an abused term. Let's just say, I am proud to be a woman.
Delete@ Umashankar I agree with u that it is not only the girls who are facing a raw deal but he common man as well. But IMHO i think with this post Purba wanted to focus on the plight of girls in India as opposed to the rest of the world. Leave alone the West which is very liberated, the light of girls in many Asian countries is better off.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that women in India have reached the pinnacle like Purba mentions Chanda Kocchar, but she represents a very small fraction of the stats.
Given the Indian mindset, i dont think there are any easy and quick solutions for this. Perhaps we need to create awareness, educate from school level and use mass media to change the thinking of the average middle class Indian.
Indeed Abha, the problem is deep rooted. It stems from frustration, opportunities denied, a poor sense of self worth or even a chauvinistic mindset.
DeleteBut sex offenders should know, they will be punished severely. Look how strictly they deal with such cases in the US or European nations!
Purba, I was to hug you and kiss you (I am no homo or bi-sexual) but with happiness that there is another women who think and are concerned like I am. When I am in India, I would like to visit you just for a day to Delhi. I will tell my husband, he will be happy as well. He himself is a feminist..
ReplyDeleteHugs from Holland..
Bhavana
It will be a pleasure meeting you Bhavana :))
DeletePurba we are fortunate to live in India....we are unaware of the Bharat 50 kms away from Delhi. I drove to Bulandshahar yesterday (A friends in laws were strangled by robbers) and God...the way people live and survive! Nothing has changed in most small towns in last 50 years.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately we dont wish to come out of our comfort cocoons.Thanks for bringing people out of their comfort zones with this apt post.
I can just rave and rant but the fact remains our law favours the powerful, the rich, the corrupt. But that shouldn't stop us from seeking justice for our girls.
DeleteI agree Purba and also its a pitiful situation when I see women/girls labeling and being judgmental about other women/girls..isn't it weird that a woman who goes through all the discrimination, instead of doing better for her future generation, follow the same old mentality and believing that boys are the ones who take a family's name forward...
ReplyDeleteBut Purvi as women, we can do things differently. It is up to us say no to the crap handed down to us. And as parents, it is our duty to equip our children with the best possible education and sound values.
DeleteAnd what makes people think a girl can't take the family's name forward?
A very well written post. I've generally been a lurker but can't resist commenting on this one. Your fury and passion come through this perfectly. I'd like to add something though...it's not just men who perceive assertive women a certain way. Sadly, other women do too. Other women tell girls to behave in a docile manner. To not be too assertive. To either wear a lot of make up or not. To dress a certain way. Sadly I fear things will only change when the law changes and is a lot more strict in implementation. People who abort their daughters should be penalised. Men who rape women or girls should get penalised rather than the mentality of the girl 'asking for it'. Until and unless that mentality changes, nothing will happen. We still hear time and again through the courts as well how women are to blame for it all. And it's shameful.
ReplyDeleteSuccess makes people jealous - I guess this is their way of coping with it. So she's the VP of her company but look how badly brought up her kids are.
DeleteWhat! She got promoted again? - ahh she must be sleeping with the boss.
It's the crab mentality and unfortunately women are part of it.
One of the best posts i have ever read.. strong and true to the core.. and I bet that each and every women strong or weak have gone through a stage of verbal, physical or mental abuse at least once in their life.. As u said a strong body and even stronger mind is the need of hour.
ReplyDeleteAnd only if we are strong, can we expect people around us to treat us with respect.
DeletePurba,
ReplyDelete/If she says what she thinks, she’s a bitch. If she has guy friends, she’s a slut. If she wears makeup she’s fake, if she doesn’t she is a behenjee. It’s like one cannot do anything without being labelled./
This is what I am going through these days for being too outspoken :| Guess, I need to control or stay quiet, I have no clue. I did not post a rant on my blog recently because the so called some of such men are indeed targeting the blog too now. I was upset too after reading that report, but if I can not handle few crass comments, I wonder how women who face it all because of dowry, unprofessional attitude, domestic abuse etc. do?
:'(
Chintan, you should give it back to them. Put their comments on public forums and shame them.
DeleteBut don't let these smug idiots change you.
Agree w Purba - don't let some a-holes change YOU
DeleteVery, very sad state of affairs. What you say is very true. Don't know how we can change something or make a difference.
ReplyDeleteYes you can Rachna..As a Mom..as a wife..as someone's colleague...you can change mindsets.
DeleteI am not sure that mindsets change so easily. I feel angry too, and blog about or speak about such issues. I really have this sinking feeling that somehow our shock or despair is doing precious little in terms of action or punishment. The biggest mobilization I saw was for the anti-corruption movement, and look where that is headed now..
DeleteDon't get me wrong! I am not acting as a prophet of doom, and I am happy that many of us are speaking about it, but my concern is how do we translate it into action that protects others. Look at the state of our law machinery, our police and our politicians.
DeleteWhen was the last time you saw a minister convicted and sent to jail? Scams are being exposed and action is being taken thanks to a vigilant civil society. At this point of time, I feel we are at our proactive best. PIL's are being filed and we are demanding accountability from our elected. It is tragic that the Supreme Court has to intervene to make the government act. Things that should have been done by them in the first place. At least they can no longer take the electorate for granted!
DeleteAnd the Corruption movement was not just about Team Anna.
Agree that mindsets don't change overnight. But remember Rachna, a movement starts with awareness.
The conviction in the writing is adorable. What is not, is our social fibre, where actionable gender equality finds itself confined to cocktail circuts and forgetable seminars.
ReplyDeleteTrue that, all words and no action - as long as we don't get affected, why should we care!
DeleteSuch a needed post Purba...it disgusts me to no end to read about crime against the girl child-especially little children...and I even shudder sometimes when I think we are raising our daughters in this hell...
ReplyDeleteThese lines are so so so true...
"If she says what she thinks, she’s a bitch. If she has guy friends, she’s a slut. If she wears makeup she’s fake, if she doesn’t she is a behenjee. It’s like one cannot do anything without being labelled."
Minds are getting dirtier indeed and putting such men behind bars for life is the only way to make a point and lesson learnt for everyone!
Teach her to be brave. And enroll her for martial art classes when she is a little older.
DeletePurba,
ReplyDeleteA factual post. I agree with you that we need some radical measures to fight this menace. We need to have law to complete trial of all cases of not only rape but molestation and eve teasing too withing a set time frame, say 3 months from trial court to Supreme Court. In case of delaying tactics let it go on ex-parte. Girls have to be taught not only martial arts but there are some dirty tricks too which they need to know. Almost 30 years ago our niece used to get lot of vulgar calls. Those were landline days. Even her father tried everything but it could only stop calls for few days. I advised her to speak filthiest language when call comes. She did it and would you believe it the calls stopped after that. Another incident of about 15 years of so comes to my mind. In a crowded bus a young girl suddenly turned around and told the person standing behind " AAPNE TO AB TAK BAHUT MAZZAA KAR LIYAA AB MERI BAARI HAI " and she made a grab towards his groin. That man turned beetroot red and mumbled something like ' MAAF KAR DO ". He was thereafter beaten up by other passengers. Girls have to be cautious and bold when need be. I second you on castrating convicted ones. This I had said in a comment to another blog about 4 years ago. There are few more suggestions I have but would authorities listen?
Take care
Loved reading about these gutsy girls. Young girls are soft targets and should always carry safetypins, pepper sprays to deal with these morons.
DeleteAnd I keep reading about government's proposals for fast track courts for rape victims. When will it be implemented?
When I was 13, a boy not more than 15 from the slums, came very close to me and touched me VERY inappropriately and ran away.I was shocked and unable to move for a long time and I never dared to come alone from the bus stop since then, till I left school. That incident scarred me for a long time... AND I CANNOT IMAGINE what rape/dowry victims go through!!! Its disgusting. Such perverts, should be pararaded stark naked and should be castrated. They don't deserve to be any gender! And yes call me extreme!
ReplyDeleteThis post started has a discussion amongst my friends now. A male friend says, it is actually useless to rape a woman when your so drunk, since one cannot enjoy it.. They do it actually for the EGO and to show your power over the female sex!!!!!
Power hitting post Purba!
We do need strict laws and stricter implementation to discourage sex offenders. If its fear that deters them, so be it.
DeleteAnd your friend sounds disgusting. I hope he doesn't have a girl friend.
just read the first paragraph. fiery. and i do not have the courage to read through, would enrage me. I hate what happens here. I cannot even imagine the plight of such people but yes I was also molested twice. :( Serious issues
ReplyDeleteI am aware this write-up is not a pleasant read. Believe me, I had a tough time writing it.
DeleteAnd you should take your parents into confidence and make sure it doesn't happen again.
You have your point. It's important to understand that it's not just the women who have to stand up(of course they do!). I don't know why people don't focus on the guys. In my entire life... other than for my folks... there's been no one who's told me how i should react to women etc. Most ppl get these things from society and unfortunately society isn't teaching them the right things. i mean most of my friend's have taken or are going to take dowry and it sickens me. it's stupid! but what to do? they don't seem to understand. i've made a mockery of the whole thing in my last post. But the matter is serious and unless we focus on getting guys to respect women the job will never be done.
ReplyDeleteIt is our failure as a society, as parents. It shocks me to know that guys still expect dowry, lord over their wives and have a mother egging them on.
DeleteGrowing up as young girls in our country,we all have experienced sexual harassment of some kind at least once.Inappropriate look,gesture or touch has been a part of growing up and somewhere most of the girls have brushed it off as an unpleasant incident.
ReplyDeleteThat male relatives are many a times perpetrators of this crime is most disheartening to note.In such cases it becomes all the more difficult for victims to come forward and report.Training our daughters to be vocal and strong is the key as you rightly said.
I deliberately omitted writing about it. Imagine the trauma of a young girl who has to deal with a relative! Someone who she trusts or even looks up to. And strangely the Mother doesn't want her to talk about it.
DeleteRightly said- no country for young girls! Sorry state of affairs!!
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
DeleteUnfortunate that despite all our claims of being the biggest democracy, having a culture going back 5000 years, we are still so backward, that we cannot see women grow.. Leave aside growth, as you mention, we do not even allow them to live..
ReplyDeleteThings will not change until and unless we have a mechanism of implementing punishments so harsh, that people would shudder..
And we aim to call ourselves developed
Studies show development of women is correlated to economic growth. And till we respect and cherish our women, we will continue to languish in the dark ages.
Deletecastrate them NO thats not good , oh yes they need to be caught and put at the Junction and SHOT DEAD... simple
ReplyDeletein punjab in some years the whole DNA of punjabi;s will change as because of less number of girls , women are being bought from nepal and other places so a man can marry ..
you are right when you say no country for the girls... soon there will be only men and then what will they do start raping each other ...
Bikram's
If families can kill their daughter because she dared to fall in love with a boy outside their community, why can't they kill for the sake of her honour?
DeleteEXACTLY my thoughts .. how can a rapist be given a lesser sentence and walk out in open ..
DeleteI totally agree to it what are the parents doing for the honour of their daughter something think of..
bang on purba. kya baat hai. *raises a toast* wanted to write about it myself. whatever happened to being civilized.
ReplyDeleteWe have no right to call ourselves civilized.
DeleteCouldn't agree more. People claim that our society is changing but I am not convinced. Growing economy doesn't make minds grow as well. Its a really sorry state of affairs.
ReplyDelete♡ from © tanvii.com
It's a skewed development. A country that boasts of 153,000 dollar millionaires, yet it's people die of hunger.
DeleteThis is not a feminist post by one, but a commentary of the times by an enraged citizen. All the way with you, Purba. Why don't feminist groups and concerned citizens join together to force a solution from the government. Because unless the laws are made and enforced the way they should be, nothing is going to change. As you have pointed out, it is because the criminals know that they can get away that such things are done with impunity. What hope can there be for a country when even such issues are dealt with as elections issues? Look at UP. The parties are zeroing in on all the injustices because it is election time, forgetting that such crimes are being commintted in states ruled by them too. Is Delhi ruled by the BSP? And is the crime capital which is unfortunately also our capital ruled by Mayawati? Like I had pointed out in a post, it has the 'distinction' of being the home of three women in power -- a President, the head of the ruling coalition, the CM. And yet they allow this to happen. Isn't it about time for a leader to make these women take note of what is happening in their backyards? If women with power don't care, how can you expect the criminal to care or even change?
ReplyDeleteWomen in power are too busy trying to hold on to their kursi, playing dirty politics and accusing each other of misrule. Wasn't it our esteemed CM who had said- women should not be so adventurous as to venture out late at night
DeleteA classic case of your safety is your concern and not mine.
//If you choose to be a mere spectator, you are guilty as well! Laws punishing sexual assault exist but we need stricter implementation.//
ReplyDeleteI was once in a discussion about why women don't want to give birth to daughters, and the worry about protecting the daughters in a society that didn't really care, was one of the reasons given by some mothers.
That's a sorry excuse. What these women don't realize is they are making it worse for other girls.
DeleteI am a long time silent reader of your blog, but this post has made me to say something- you have exactly mirrored my thoughts, sometimes I too seeth with anger when I read such incidents in newspaper, and yes this is not a feminist post.
ReplyDeleteBut another pov : womens are their own worst enemies - 90%dowry deaths and female infanticide are initiated by MIL against their DIL, a women boss will think twice before promoting another women, Miss M form North and Miss J from South- two biggest corrupt politican of our time, and UPA head is making the way for her son and MRS P at parliament is busy cooking new recipes, do u think she will made any changes in law if she ever comes to know about all these. Indira nooyi and Chanda kochar simply do not belong to that India (as we know it).
Though I agree womens are 90% of the time are forced to prostitution, but what about its new avatar (escort and friendship clubs) which is flourishing in metro right under our nose, and boldly advertised by nation's leading dailies. Our education system is a total failure, and thats the reason educated /degreed women still beleives and behaves like their predeseccors. case in point as read in Newspaper- an IT couple (women was engg.too) used to sexually abuse their maid and later torched her. ????????
May be it take several generation to change their mindset, when a country lost its freedom, its womens are raped first in WWI, WWII and then in Bosnia-serbia and now continuing in Africa.
I agree, women can sometimes be our worst enemies. And to compound to our miseries, moral fibre of our society is disintegrating. The last issue of India Today had focussed on the rise of domestic murders - shocking incidents of assaults, carefully planned murders by your own family members...It makes you wonder where we are headed!
DeleteSystematic rape is often used as a weapon of war in 'ethnic cleansing'
All the more reason why women need to stronger. Why we need to be there for each other.
Oh yeah, that article from Times of India. It was not new or surprising but sad still since I desperately wanted the worst to be some other nation, not India, the so called developing third-world country.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is limited to India, domestic violence and crime against women is everywhere, even in the most sophisticated parts, for if it weren't why would they have slut walks in every other country. It did spread like wildfire, thanks to social media. It don't wish to announce that it should be considered a commonplace, rather I believe most of it can be solved if greater proportion of women become self-reliant and probably independent financially, nothing is better than financial freedom.
The second issue of honor killing is something India should stress upon more, separating it from crime against women, since if this were solved, then the former itself becomes easier. Yesterday itself I had read an article on a village, more like a tribe that was so secluded that their place was their whole world, full of superstitions. When we have metros, cities divided into tiers, towns, and finally villages, the way they are structured is all very different. I thought villages were the most backward, but then I saw tribes. If cities have facilities of abortion, then villages offer killing after birth.
But being an optimist I have this blind faith that with upcoming generations, things will change, may be it is influenced bya my vicinity but still it cannot be achieved in a mere generation, you see, people are adamant fools.
It depends on us - how we bring up our children, how we treat women in our family. The kind of values we impart to them and tell them principles are not dispensable.
DeleteWe have to lead by example.
I wish we had more modern-day Raja Ram Mohan Roys that had the courage to tackle today's socio-cultural problems.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully written, Mrs. Purba! It's a nice change from your laugh-riot posts!
We don't need a Raja Rammohan Roy to change things for us - - not any more!
DeleteI've always maintained that the abuser is in as much a pitiable situation as the victim is. If you think of a normal, healthy human being, he/she wouldn't even imagine being able to hurt women/children. Then what is it that makes these abusers so brutal that they're able to do the unthinkable? There are obviously deep-rooted psychological issues within our society. Along with proper and stringent laws, I think these issues need to be addressed too, with counselling and education to the poorer sections of society. Only then can we see some real change...
ReplyDeleteAs adults, we are responsible for our actions and cannot fall back on excuses for our pitiable mindsets. Agreed some of these men do suffer from psychological conditions but most of them are out to have fun.
DeleteMen who abduct a woman just back from a night shit. A "friend" who mixes date rape drug in your drinks. A jilted lover out to teach a lesson to an ex.
What kind of an excuse does a government officer have for expecting sexual favours from a widow, waiting for her pension cheque to get approved?
My landlord sends his son to Convent school but her daughter to Hindi medium, in anyway I'm not saying that Hindi medium schools aren't good enough to compete convent education but why to discriminate between your own child. When asked he replied.. she just have to study till 18 & then get marry.. so why to waste money on her. I was shocked to hear that.. troubling thoughts.. :(
ReplyDeleteWeakest LINK
Exactly, this is the kind of discrimination I was talking about. This despite the fact that it's girls who do better in exams and are better equipped for new jobs.
DeleteTell that man, that the increase in female employment in the rich world has been the main driving force of growth in the past couple of decades.
His daughter deserves an opportunity to seek a better life.
It's laughable to see how it's said India is a developing country but people fail to notice the gullible side of this nation.
ReplyDeleteMother once told me she wanted a girl and a boy; it's all chromosomes fault.
Perhaps, we will develop but the roots would still be there. People 0, Stereotypes 1.
You don't become modern by sporting True Religion jeans and shopping at Selfridges in London. A change of mindset comes from years of social conditioning.
DeleteI won't lose hope. There is a change - silent and consistent. It starts with women like you and me who treat our girls with love and respect and urge others to do so as well. I am sure things would be better. For sake of my own daughter, I won't lose hope.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to read a positive comment. Yes, hope is what makes us look forward to the future.
Deletei completely agree -castration for rapists and child abusers. it is high time we take a tough stand against these violators
ReplyDeleteSick people deserve no mercy.
DeleteI agree on both counts
ReplyDelete- girls need to be brought up tougher, physical and mentally and
- castration is a highly effective form of correction for rapists and molesters (after the death sentence).
We need more women in the police force and courts. For that we need to educate our girls and make sure they are fit and strong. Delicate darlings cannot survive this harsh world.
Deletefirst of all, those found guilty should be 'severely' punished.
ReplyDeletesecondly as u pointed, yes we need to make girls stand up for themselves.shout, cry, complain..do whatever it takes to grab notice when pushed under such a situation is what my mom has taught me. I make it a point while traveling in DTC buses to raise my voice whether it is for a simple seat or undesirable touches by fellow passengers.
rest..we can simply hope for the better!
sarah
Your Mother has brought you well. My daughter will soon be starting college and I want her to act similarly with any creep who dares to misbehave. Nobody has any business touching you or passing lewd comments.
DeletePurba-a very hard hitting post & much needed too..thanx for taking so much trouble to write it out...only today ,after hearing over the TV about a woman colluding with her lover to kill her daughter;i was thinking what sort of security kids hearing such news will have in their minds about their own safety--i mean if u cant trust your parents whom can u trust...i shudder to think what so many tender minds go through when they hear such news.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of human depravity can up with such a thought!Especially when all of us would like to believe that the mother-child relationship is the purest form of love.
DeleteAlso the state provides no security to our children. Parents who physically abuse their kids, neglect them and worse conspire to kill them, deserve strict punishment.
To think of you or your writing as Feminist? No, I am a male and I have written on the subject myself. http://sunbyanyname.blogspot.in/2010/03/is-there-reason-to-celebrate-womens-day.html
ReplyDeleteI wrote elsewhere that since women were erstwhile considered the weaker sex, like a pendulum, the bias would not settle at the centre, at equality; it would first swing on the other side and then slowly regain balance.
Storm before the lull? That's an interesting theory and it gives me hope for our children.
DeleteWill be reading your views soon.
I agree...totally!
ReplyDeleteGlad you do.
DeleteNo matter how many fierce articles we read,write or spit away our thoughts about this, the burning rage never goes for me! I'm sure it's the same for every women! We are judged at every single point in our life - in what we speak, what we do, how we sit, what we wear, how we even walk! When will men or sometimes even women stop commenting about it! And there should be no second choice for men who indulge in rape! They should be castrated.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Government doesn't seem to care a damn about this! Instead of promising that they will give color tv, free rice and oil, these politicians should promise that they will work towards safety of women, reduce unemployment, strengthen the law penalties or stuff like these!
And I now totally understand why my mum insists me to come back home early or why she used to stand outside even if it's 5 minutes late from the normal time I return home or give me 100 calls to know everything is ok! Back then I used to think, that she's kind of spying on me!
I do the same with my daughter - worry incessantly. And believe me, it's far from pleasant. Of course she's free to go out with friends and we encourage her to be independent. But she's expected to be home by a certain time.
DeleteAbout the government and it's concern for our safety, the less said the better!
A blogger suggested your blog to me, and so, here I am. And I'm glad to be here :)
ReplyDeleteWomen empowerment is something we've all been studying since so many years. But yes, things are just getting worst. I hate it how predetermination of sex is done, and how women are tortured. I even hate the idea of dowry and how so many women are tortured. Many of them want to come out of it, but then nobody's ready to help. It's sad how females are put down. I wish things could change. Let's see when they do..
You have a wonderful blog and I love the love you write :) Keep it up.
Take Care :)
Rights are never handed on a platter, we have to demand them. Women should be assertive about their needs and not let stereotypes bog them down.
DeleteDelighted that you like the blog. Thank you so much :)
Well written post Auntius. This will go viral. :)
ReplyDeleteNothing much to add or say as discussion on the article. Sometimes you need to shut up and ponder over the words written/said.
Good, I need a break from delivering sermons :p
Deleteahhh and that reminded me of the time when I had delivered my daughter. A normal one it was and immediately the nurse brought her to me and said"don't be upset, it's a girl!". She might be hate me worst in life for the kind of abuse I gave her then and there!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! well done! And she will think twice before she makes a sorry face and announces it's a girl :))
DeleteI completely agree to you, the punishment for rape and molestation should be capital and there should not be any pity shown to them.But when you say such crimes are more in the NCR region, I would say even South India is not safe as it is said to believe.I would like to mention an incident which is not even 2 weeks old.Me and my wife decided to take a bus trip from Trivandrum to Bangalore as the buses and roads are excellent in this part of the country.It was around midnight when I heard a scream and a hard jab from my wife's elbow. A drunkard sitting behind us was pulling her hands from behind! I was petrified for a moment and then came out the monster in me.In no time he was beaten to the floor and was bleeding profusely from his nose and mouth, no wonder the bus helper had also joined me in the kickboxing session.The bus stopped, everyone came to know about the whole thing and the driver came up asking if he should take the bus to a nearby police station.My wife vehemently opposed at registering a police case as that would lead to lot of hassles, I tried to convince her but had to give in finally.That guy was kicked out of the bus and no points for guessing that he was dead drunk.The reason why I mentioned this incident here, is that, cases like this go unregistered daily and being in same situation I can understand why girls avoid going to the police.I feel we need more media campaigns on molestations and teasing to make those bu****** think twice before touching a girl.
ReplyDeleteMakes your blood boil, doesn't it? And you thrashed him on behalf off all the women he may have victimised. I'm sure the as$^*&#@ even beats up his wife.
DeleteAnd sadly the image of our police force is such that we avoid approaching them for help. More often than not, the person who files the report gets harassed.
This is definitely no country for women. And part of the problem are women themselves. Mother's treat there son's like kings and make them believe there wife is a servant & whore. Women are involved in all sex rackets. Women allow abuse of there own daughters & duaghter-in-law's by there husbands, sons & other men in the family. The problem is far deep rooted. It is the problem of a woman wanting control & sacrificing women for that. This can be seen from the different epic stories, where Kunti's asks her sons to share a wife to maintain unity amongst brother's, did anyone ever ask Draupadi if she wanted to be in a different man's bed every night? We women are one of the root cause of our situation than any one will admit & it has nothing to do with what we wear, how we dress, what we drink & how late we stay out at night.
ReplyDeleteDraupadi is far from a wallflower. In fact mythology projects her as a role model for women. A woman who knows her mind, asserts her will and makes her husbands avenge her humiliation.
DeleteHmmm ...
DeleteN yet tolerates the initial humiliation her MIL throws at her. Thaz what girls are expected to do, tolerate n then take revenge or suffer silently, she choose to assert herself, but still the question remains in my mind ....
Really! I wasn't aware of it. So MIL's have'nt changed one bit since 3102 BC :D
DeleteAnd Kunti was no saint with her many liaisons with Godkind :p
N that was because her husband was infertile n she had to produce son's to further the generation. Do you think she liked it much ?
DeleteHello Purba,
ReplyDeleteI happened to stumble upon your blog through some other blog and I am really impressed by the way you have voiced out your opinions like a punch. Women in India still suffer all those hardships and torments because we are still considered to be weak personalities with no strength to oppose the male domination. Since the childhood every girl is taught to exhibit humility and grace in all their actions when a male child is given all the freedom to make things work according to his own wish. This makes woman think she has to maintain the same beauty all along her life no matter what she is and where she is and a man tries to take advantage of this ability of hers. I just hope the Indian parents mindset for their female child changes and our India gets better in treating their woman power with all the respect.
Agree when you say girls are brought up to be soft and subservient. The girl child plays with dolls while her brother plays with trucks and toy guns.
DeleteWhen a girl is loud and rebellious it is frowned upon while similar traits in a boy are ignored and sometimes even lauded.
Parents often end forcing gender stereotypes on their kids.
Sad but true... I fully agree. Not only do these perverted men rape and molest young women, they also unfairly ruin the reputation of the good men (yes, some of us do exist!) who are kind and respectful.
ReplyDeleteThe intent was not to paint all men with the same brush. Of course there exist men who cherish feminine presence in their lives :)
DeleteWhat you have written is nothing new or alarming - Just like you there are hundreds of others who have written similar seething rage articles and continue to do so and that's where it all begins and ends.
ReplyDeleteEvery blogger will fully agree,feel sad and outraged and then move on.Off goes the reader on to the next blog or back to work, back to his or her daily life. The housewife will go back to her soaps, the banker to his money,the IT guy to his programs..but the trauma continues for the victim and life continues just the way it used to.
I have given up the right to crib,complain the way my country is being run because I am not doing jackshit about it.I am not willing to let go off my comfort zone.So I have no right to complain-simple.The day I do - I will raise hell.
Women are the primary resource of this planet.That's where all men come from. As a mother it is each mom's duty to teach their sons to respect women. I can insist on my daughter's financial independence so that she doesn't have to take bullshit from any man. You as a husband can teach your son how to cherish a woman. Women play a big role in what is happening to girls in the world and so do men.
DeleteIt doesn't take a revolution to change mindsets, it starts with conviction.
There isnt enough space for a sustained conviction in our lives if it does not affect us personally.
DeleteIt's a late comment.I know and understand the rage you feel.And let me tell you,you have written it out well.
ReplyDelete" If she says what she thinks, she’s a bitch. If she has guy friends, she’s a slut. If she wears makeup she’s fake, if she doesn’t she is a behenjee. "
Who gave them the right to pass such judgements?
We should teach our daughters to react-loud and clear.If the pervert deserves a kick in the groin,train her to hit hard below the belt...
Yep...when you are on your own, you are your best self-defence.
DeleteNo country for young women is right..neither at home, nor outside..even now, girls have to suffer from stupid prejudiced opinions..but what you say is right, you are weak only if you think you are..
ReplyDeleteIf you have to fight harder, speak louder, protest against prejudices - so be it. Anything but accepting it as your damn destiny.
DeleteA very well researched and thought provoking...and yes we should get stronger and should not think of us to be of weaker sex. But it pains for me to know that in some cases u cannot even defend urself...the baby falak case is one such example. I still can't imagine the pain that she and her parents must be going through.
ReplyDeleteFalak's is a long, sordid tale. And the girl who beat her up, was a victim herself (abused by her father and forced into sex trade).
DeleteThe Police has reunited Falak with her Mother, but is that really a happy ending? I doubt that very much.
very well written Purba. i literally cried after reading this post to know such a sad situation that prevails against women in our country. it's not something i am not aware of, i wish we all were born in a country which had never got its freedom in 47. at least we would have done better under british raj atleast with respect the parochial outlook we have developed against women in our country.
ReplyDeletewe fake being proud of our country. on such a sorry state of girl child in our country, i sometimes wish god to pull some trigger to stop girl child birth in our country.
very well written Ma'm.
regards
rahul
Our children deserve better, our women deserve better! Till then we have no right to call ourselves a civilized society.
DeleteEducated girls?
ReplyDeleteWell they are no better. Once they become the mother, or mother in law, they do the same things.....
Like I read some where, lets save the girl child first, we can save the tigers later.
Ironic isn't it? How easily women fall prey to petty emotions like jealousy?
DeleteLoved the last line, couldn't agree more.
very nice site!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds additionally?I am glad to seek out so many helpful info right here within the put up, we need work out extra strategies on this regard, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletelove sms
I might be the nth person to say so still, Awesome Post! You’ve thought of so many different ways a girl child is abused. How these monsters can bear to hurt even a precious hair on her head beats me. Just to get the balance right I’ve got to add that most young girls and boys we know (in India and elsewhere) celebrate life, laugh at MCPs, feel sorry for their friends or cousins stuck with such a-holes (and their mums) and chalk out their own destinies.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have to "think of so many ways" a girl is abused - they exist and I just pointed them out :) And believe me it was far from pleasant to write about it.
DeleteAnd agree..that's how life is meant to be, a celebration.
Thought provoking.It is unpleasant to know that such things are happening in India.I know It happened but these ungraceful events have only degraded our nation.Sharing this post.It has always been called as a male dominated society but that doesn't means such atrocities against women is accepted.I seriously couldn't agree more.This is the only place in the world where mouthing of foul abusive words on women is observed. This country is going no where if such things do happens. Completely disheartening
ReplyDeleteThis country needs to treat it's women well, push for our equality and protect our rights at workplace. It's a well documented fact that women's empowerment is closely related to economic development. Till our policy makers/law makers do not ensure our safety, India will keep languishing as a developing country!
DeleteThis is mind blowing article.. The best post I have read in recent times:)
ReplyDeleteOh Wow! I'm walking on sunshine :)
DeleteSad, but true.. Very well written..
ReplyDelete"A Girl is like a bird. God's most prettiest n beautiful creation in this world. The childhood of a girl is her golden age, after that the world keeps her in a cage. She is an innocent creature, who looks like a fairy n looses her featthers when she marries n her husband abuses her. She leads all her life in serving others n also has a heart but no one bothers about it. A dress of happiness n pleasure she wears when people know that she has a heart, but in every corner you will find a girl (woman) shedding her tears"
- My Blog.. :D
She can't afford to be delicate...not any more.
DeleteWhy do I find more of a naked and furious outburst instead of sarcasm knitted with humour and punchin the posts lately? Times are changing, and the chaos is on rise.
ReplyDeleteYes, the weaker gender should not remain weak anymore and must be trained in self defense and offensives. Let the perpetrators get someone of their own size, and a payback in the same coin.
Nice read.
Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete
Hi,
ReplyDeleteNice to sensitize the issue about the current women problem.
It was in the west where women has been all along considered much inferior to man and as an object to be used and enjoyed, the concept which is slowly developing in our country. Who are these men who have raped,molested the girls. They were also children of some parents once upon a time.Family is a very important and basic institution in our society. If there was a proper bringing by their families, these incidents could have minimized. As you said "Incidents of rape have increased by a staggering 792% (yes you read it right) over the last 40 years.", what was the reason for the sudden change in the mindsets of the people in these years. Are we moving from civilization to barbarism or should it be vice-versa.I feel nuclear families, individualistic mindset, parents not taking proper care of their children except providing them good food,hi-fi schools, pocket money has increased a lot. Also, day in n day out, our children are exposed to all types of vulgarities through movies, TVs, internet. Are parents taking care of what their children need to be exposed to? Finally, system or the govt is always there to be blamed but are we parents doing our duty. "It is true that woman has now some economic & social freedom but the families are broken. Time has come to reorient the women's liberation movement. There cannot be separate liberation of woman without thinking about man and it has to be liberation of all"(As quoted by Betty Freidan, feminist of America). In today's world, if mother takes an extra mile in bringing her children(boys n girls) with moral values, then, we will say a better India. In Japan, out of 10 working women, 9 resign their jobs once they become mothers, so that they can give their full time for shaping a nation and as a result we do see a strong Japan. I am not saying that all women to resign but work for their children too.
quite a thought provoking post! I guess, strict rules are the only way to condemn such despicable acts. And why is all of the above even happening in the first place? Lack of fear or no fear of doing something wrong, which means there is something very wrong with the way children are being brought up and the way they evolve into adults later. Although the standard of living is hitting an all time high, moral standards have just hit rock bottom. Guess, it is time women learn self defense tactics to tackle issues independently rather than getting abused a hundred times over the first time!
ReplyDelete- http://narayanikarthik.blogspot.com
Enjoyed reading your post! Appreciate the facts you gave to paint a stark picture of the bleak future towards which our nation is headed.
ReplyDeleteLike the fact that you talked about "The Bystander effect" that has overpowered the moral sensibilities of citizens.
the problem lies in every household .... it is the way by which we look at a girl.
ReplyDeletethe guys might respect their mother and sisters but they don't respect other girls....who are not related to them.
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