Mrs. Ray, I Am Banning You....

His online moniker is Snow leopard... At 23, he is just a cub but with a mind of his own. Nopes, he takes no garbage but composts it instead.  A budding environmentalist, passionate about photography, a comic freak and with many dreams. Presenting Prateek Varma to you.....

That was one of my earlier jokes with Purba and I was wearing my Ray-bans....

When I came to know that A-musing will turn a year old by the end of February, I had to write something.  But then I was stuck. What do you write for a blogger who is so good and popular? You can be a damn good blogger and not be popular.....or sometimes you write shit but are quite popular.  But Mrs. Ray here...writes excellent stuff and is equally popular.  So what do you do? I couldn't rip her writing apart for the fear of being lynched by her fanatic fans (there must be a handful of them). And I couldn't write a humour post for her, since she is damn good in that department and I would have been ripped apart by the readers.

So, what do I write? I remember the first post I read at A-musing. It was about her driving lessons she was taking. And my first reaction was....ho hum....till I started reading. And then I came back. There was a strange force that compelled me to come back...again and again. A hypnotic effect, something ethereal.  I was having a hard time, trying to fathom the reason, but to no avail. And then I read a guest post by Miss Ray, which told us how her dear mother is actually a vampire.  And all the scattered pieces of the puzzle came together. 

Hah...She is a bloodsucker. No wonder she chose teaching as a profession. 

But the first time I actually experienced this was when a few of us fellow bloggers (read 4) decided to get together. The day was fixed and so was the venue and the time. I was a few minutes late. And the dormant school teacher in her suddenly came to life. 

“You are late.”

“I am sorry. The metro suffered a few glitches in between...and...”

And while I tried hard to explain my case..she made me stand outside CCD for 15 minutes and might have written a note for my parents, had the others not pleaded on my behalf. 

“Whenever you call a teacher...always come on time."

“Yes, Ma'am.” Grrrr..... And then I saw the fangs. As I was being told off, I saw the pointed canines playing peak-a-boo from behind the incisors. And then I saw the blood red drink in front of her. 

“What’s it you are having.”

“Oh…this. Strawberry blush.”   I was looking at the eyes to catch any glimpses of menace. Strawberry Blush...indeed.  If she really was what it seemed she was, then I had something to fear. I am an AB-ve you see, the rarest blood group in the world.  And I would have been a rare delicacy. And then we began chatting and I got to know that behind the seemingly (or rather my imagination gone awry) vampirish outer layer, was a very good human being who had a wicked sense of humour.  But that still didn't stop me from observing the neck and especially the jugular area of Mr. Ray who joined us later, to be sure.

But I did tease her on that post for quite a long time until she was ready to kill me. Or rather in her own words, drown me slowly in a vat of hot chocolate. 

But I always had this image of the serious Bong lady in my head, who has sarcasm and wit as weapons.  Kind of like the stiff lipped humour which the English are famous for or infamous for.  But that image took the severest beating when I was invited for a day out at Dilli Haat. And I saw her getting excited in front of a herbal soap stall, like a little kid in front of a cotton candy seller. 

“I just love soaps. Especially the hand made ones. Body shop is like a second home.”

Should I tell her that I just had a bath after 5 days and that is because I had to go out!  And should I tell that since nothing else was available I used Vim. There was a choice between that and Harpic.

“Ahh is it?  I am not too keen about soaps.”

“I only use these handmade soaps. Can't have enough of them.”

My mind wandered around the water crisis in our country. Baby Ray on the other hand was busy inhaling a bamboo stick dipped in some scented oil.  Reminded me of the old Akbar Birbal comics in which Akbar is shown sticking a rose in his nose. 

A few moments with Purba and you would really understand why she is so popular. I know I can joke with her and make remarks about her age (or rather old age as I like to grind it into her) without any fear. Because she is cool and chilled out enough to take it and answer with a witty comeback. A great person to hang around with. And someone you would call up for advice. I have and will be calling you to discuss a post, how I should write it or maybe a few years later, which gift to buy for my girlfriend )

Interestingly, I wouldn't have known Purba, had it not been for her blog.  And I thank the stars that she was not my teacher in school, else I would have hated her. Nothing against the profession, I just have a vendetta against most my old teachers. 

Thanks Mrs Ray for this wonderful blog and best wishes for more anniversaries to come.

Cheers!!!

P.S   And your are not a newbie anymore, notable or otherwise ;)