2018, a LOU story

Heartless Nimmo ran away with all of Pran Nath Banke’s money leaving him with egg on his face. The neighbourhood is abuzz with it. 

Technically it was not his money but we’ll come to that later.

Many of his men friends turned up at his place with ‘we told you so’ condolences. He was yet another casualty of the nefarious schemes hatched by women out to squeeze helpless men dry of their juice.  

Too bad this was not Love Jihad otherwise they could’ve hacked Nimmo into boti sized pieces.

Theirs was an unlikely LOU story. Nimmo and Banke were as different as wine and lassi. She, pish -posh, born with a diamond ring in her mouth, soft spoken and petite, who wore nothing but couture. He, a hard-working simpleton, unpretentious to the point of shabby. A quintessential nice guy he was every aspiring mother-in-law’s dream come true. Since he only spoke Punjabi and she really bad Gujarati in a firang accent, they communicated by poking each other. Nimmo had even given him a cute nick-name - Pokemon. 

Nobody expected Nimmo to be the runaway bride. Leaving on a jet plane, with not even a note when she’ll be back again.  Didn’t even wake him up to say goodbye. 

She was after all from a rich khandan and from the looks of it definitely not in need of his money. Ok, not his money but given by others for safeguarding it. 

Idiot. Couldn’t even do one job right! 

It’s not as if Pran Nath Banke was short of suitors. But they were mostly middle-class and needy. For the uninitiated this is the breed that has to earn their own money instead of inheriting it from their family and then pays most of it as taxes to a government that doesn’t do its job well. Our dear Banke loved to make them sweat like they were in a Mumbai local. One of the commandments of the holy grail of dating is act like a government servant. Keep mum, make them run, and always look disinterested, just like a dead fish. It is rumoured he even made one them dance on broken shards of glass like Basanti in Sholay. 

The poorer they were the nastier he was with them. 

Nimmo was subjected to none of this. All she had to do was shimmy in a skimpy tight dress that could have gotten her raped but didn’t and pout seductively. Then she faked some interest. And before she could croon ‘are you loansome tonight’, he was hopelessly in LOU with her.

Unfortunately, his inner voice that was screaming Banke, you fool, you are giving her too much credit, was put on mute.

Maybe he was not so nice after all. Maybe he was asking for it. 

Their romance that sparked off way back in 2013 had the blessings of the Mota Bhais. The kind that’s notorious for framing stringent rules and laws they have no intention of following.  Since there are two sets of mota bhasi who gave this LOU story their blessings, they are now busy blaming each other for the fiasco.

So predictable. 

It appears Banke was not the only one of Nimmo’s victims. It is rumoured she had spent loansome nights with as many as 17 of them. 

Whore! 

But Rumi says once you’ve fooled one man, the rest are waiting to fall like a pack of dominos at your feet. 

Miss Nimmo’s peccadilloes have now sparked a #PSUToo movement with many more of her victims crawling out of the woodwork to share their sob stories. 

When you kiss a girl and you like it, she will make you pay for it. Got it?

This is not the first time someone from the Banke community has been used as a sugar daddy by a sexy thing to fund her extravagant indulgences. In the past Harsha, Ketana have taken their admirers besotted by their disproportionate assets to the cleaners. 

When you are blinded by their riches and bend backwards like Ramdev to please them, expect to be used like a tissue. Use and throw. 

Before Swachh Bharat was conceptualised by the Great Leader, Harsha, Ketana and their million dollar girlfriends were busy cleaning these Banke Biharis.  

The fact is Nimmo and PNB were simply a case a Deja Woo and then udanchhoo.  And Pran Nath was left looking a bloody-fool.

But it’s okay. The bechari middle-class that is treated like a mushroom – kept in the dark and fed bullshit, will pay for the sins of the crooked class yet again.  

In a fresh twist, Nimmo has issued a hurt statement from across the seven seas. She has claimed that it’s she’s who’s devastated by PN B’s premature slander of her impeccable reputation.  “I took just one mango and you had the LOUdacity to claim I took the entire crate, you ingrate. Now I shall screw you the way you have claimed.” 

If only Patel and not Nehru had been our first PM, things would have been so different!