Hari-cane Rakhi strikes Mumbai

Courtesy - Google images

In what is seen as the biggest blow to Modi’s 56 inch chest, Rakhi Sawant, superstar, world famous in Borivali, announced her candidature as an Independent from north-west Mumbai in the coming elections. She had earlier been offered the BJP ticket from West Bengal which she chose to reject. It was later given to evergold singing star and music composer, Bappi Lahiri whose Hindi can only be understood by Bengalis.

Ms Sawant, her own biggest fan, has always been vocal about her admiration for Modi and wishes to see him as India’s next PM. She sees a lot of similarities between her and BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate. Both of us are devoted to our Mummy jees, love waving at our fans and are single and India’s most sought after virgins. What’s more, whenever I open my mouth – everybuddy starts chanting – Hurr hurr Rakhi!

If Modi Jee can run the country by selling tea, why can't I as an item girl?

When asked about her political agenda, Rakhi Sawant said that she will address only small problems since all bigger problems are already taken by other political parties. She also added that she was looking forward to die like Mahatma Gandhi so that people could observe 2 minutes silence for her and remember her good deeds. I want to be the change that people want to see and that’s why I change my clothes many times a day, unlike item number Kejriwal who coughed in the same muffler for six months.

Courtesy-Google Images

It is learnt that Ms Sawant is extremely upset that Kejriwal shamelessly copied her costume, a front slit gamccha from her hit number Chikna Badan, while bathing in the Ganges. Not to be outdone, Rakhi turned up dressed as Pakistan’s national flag while addressing her Press conference. When I heard Modi jee call AK 49 a Pakistani Agent, I wanted to show him that Rakhi can be a batter Pakistani agent. And to show my hard working, I even had sweaty armpits for the photo. The entire world knows what a hari-cane Rakhi is. 

The constituency of north-west Mumbai promises to be a war of the titans with Kamal R Khan, Samajwadi Party’s candidate and Mahesh Manjrekar from Maharashtra Apamaan Sena also jumping in the fray. An unfazed Ms Sawant was quick to dismiss them as made in China phuski bombs. I am the real bombshell missile. Even Airport security knows that and keeps checking me for explosives.

KRK India’s favourite 2 Rs superstar countered that Rakhi’s stint in Politics as a 2 Rs type publicity gimmick to get another reality show on TV. I have known Rakhi for quite sometime now. And I'm aware that poor Rakhi has to do such things to keep her chulha burning.

When asked for her reaction, poor Rakhi was quick to retort that no one takes KRK seriously but the man himself. He keeps telling the world that his rations come from Amrika and the milk for his household comes from London and his clothes come straight from Swijjerland. I know for sure that he buys his clothes and rations from Big Bazar, just like 2 Rs people.

Rakhi Sawant further added that she’s an abnormal candidate. Unlike others I was forced to stand in elections by the Junta. I am here because of their willpower. Uddhav Thackeray, my word of mouth brother, feels I can govern batter than Kejriwal.

I want to tell people of India, if Rakhi has shown more transparency than any other heroine in her films, she will show everything in politics. By Jeejjus kee kasam, I promise to be so entertaining that everybuddy will start taking me as seriously as that item boy Kejriwal.

Mumbaikars are grateful that Rakhi Sawant has put her non-existent career on hold to fight till her last breath for them. India is grateful that so many out-of-work stars have descended in electoral politics, hoping to win their votes and resurrect their careers with their faded star-appeal. Yes, India can finally claim to be shining.