Divine Powers of Brahood

Love is like a paintbrush that adds colour to the canvas of our lives. It is that elusive emotion that makes us bloom like a flower, hum like a bee even when stuck in a traffic snarl, oblivious to the chaos and skanky people with no civic sense. You circle around the object of your affection like a love-sick satellite, waiting to melt like Cadbury’s Silk in heat at the very sight of him.

Here lies the catch. How do you find out if he’s the one your soul has been waiting for to call him its mate! Do you fall in love with the first guy who’s struck by your beauty and brains, and find out many expensive dates later what a complete asshole he is? How many frogs must you kiss before you find your Prince! I mean, how many heartbreaks can your poor heart take!

When it comes sifting out true love from the chaff, your inner voices are not too helpful and have the uncanny ability to confuse you further. And your friends are all jealous bitches who love annoying you with their “there’s more to life than men” philosophy.

So, what does a girl do? Does she say no to love and starts scouring for a life-mate at Shaadi.com!

They say a girl’s distress calls never go answered. So what, if it’s a company in far off Japan that has finally come up with a solution that every girl has been waiting for– a bra that unhooks itself but only at the sight of true love. Finally a brassiere that understands your true feelings. 

Image Courtesy - akihabaranews.com

Isn’t it lovely that you no longer have to rely on logic and sense and can trust your bra completely to think on your behalf! A prudent undergarment resistant to lust and will reveal hidden treasures only when your heartbeat exceeds the “true love rate”. A chastity shield that protects you from one night flings, rebound sex and frogs pretending to be Royalty.

Of course, it could be a tad inconvenient if your heart is racing faster than a horse before a business presentation and your dear bra decides to unhook itself before a gaping audience. Or an extremely nervous you is meeting his parents for the first time, and voila, your twins burst open because your smart bra is thinks it’s time you opened up to them.

But these are just meanderings of my fertile imagination. The makers are insisting that the bra will be clever enough to distinguish between activities as diverse as jogging and flirting, where a woman's requirements of her bra are quite distinct.

What I want to know is, if we can protect our modesty with unhookable cups, why not go down a bit further and give us password protected panties. Or even better, panties that start wailing bhaiya the moment it senses danger.

Now that it has been made amply clear that it’s women who are responsible for getting raped, it becomes our duty to reform if not deform rapists. Since our Police is busy protecting VIPs, why bother them with our trivial problems. So, why not a secure undergarment that clamps itself shut to deter innocent men blinded by lust. Or better still, a chaddi for men that protects them from those dirty, unmentionable thoughts when they spot a woman on a lonely stretch! An underwear that starts playing Anup Jalota Bhajans to calm his overexcited brain or squeezes the blood out of his testicular orbs. This is the least we can do to protect men from wicked women trying tempt them with terror stricken eyes and repulsion.

If Ravijour, a lingerie company can design a bra to keep us chaste, surely some genius can design an underwear that can keep us safe!

Now that Rahul Gandhi has made it clear how much he cares for women empowerment by repeating this word 106 times in his interview with Arnab Goswami, I’m sure he’ll come up with a Dadi Gandhi Chaddi Yojana for women of India.

After all, women need to feel empowered before they can start searching for true love, no?