A definitive guide to preventing rapes

The CBI, India’s highest investigative agency, has been in pursuit of truth since 1963. An unbiased agency that knows no allegiance and is impervious to political pressure, it is every common and uncommon man’s only hope for justice. So, when its revered chief Ranjit Sinha, in a rare show of candour makes a profound statement about rapes and asks women to enjoy if they can’t stop it, one has no choice but to sit up and take his advice seriously.

Dear women, it’s time you started treating rape like our law enforcement agencies do, as a harmless extra-curricular activity. It’s almost legal, just like Mr Sinha would have betting be treated. As such it was your damn fault that you got raped. Ask any respectable police officer and he’ll tell you when a woman is not covered from head to toe, she wants men to rape her. So, when you venture out of the house for work or pleasure, you are clearly being adventurous. And if you’re not wearing a sack, you are obviously asking for trouble.

If you are stupid enough to get raped, be prepared to be called a slut who did not get paid. According to Delhi Police, expert on sexual crimes, 90% of rape cases are mere business dealings. So, if you were 'really' raped, you would never complain for fear of media and society. Only ‘loose’ women with dubious reputations go to Police stations to file complaints against sexual assaults. Nice women quietly go home and cry.

According to a Policeman’s code of conduct for women – nice women – certainly do not consume alcohol. When a man drinks, he turns into a sex-crazed Neanderthal, incapable of controlling himself. Conclusively, women who drink and place themselves in the company of men having a drink are sluts looking for trouble.

It is a known fact that no respectable lady gets raped in India. Even an underworld don will not like to touch a woman of respect. And if you are in Bharat, no man will touch you even with a barge pole. It’s because in RSS’s Bharat Mahaan, every woman is treated like a cow and every cow is your Mother. Therefore every woman is treated like a mother. Get it?

As such you women have this habit of overreacting over minor discomforts. Is it that poor man’s fault that you were just out there, looking so temptingly helpless, walking all alone with no armed bodyguards to protect your honour! Do you honestly expect a man to behave respectably and not grab opportunity when it presents itself to him? Did you really have to recoil in horror when he approached you menacingly! Men are not used to hearing no from a woman. It then becomes their duty to teach every wayward woman a lesson they will never forget. Didn’t your elders tell you that rape is basically punishment for crossing certain limits! “One has to abide by certain moral limits. If you cross this limit you will be punished."

If you still want to behave unreasonably, you always have this magic mantra to put an end to your so called agony. Just look entreatingly at your tormentor, remove his hand gently from your throat and whisper – Bhaiya. He will immediately fall at your feet and beg for forgiveness.

If that doesn’t work, you can always fall back on Kiwi defence lawyer Keith Jefferies’ simple but brilliant solution to prevent rape. "All you have to do is close your legs... it's as simple as that."

But in my opinion, you should do what Mr Sinha has advised. Sit back and enjoy the act. After all rape is just fun sex and not an assertion of violence and power, the ultimate act of hostility. When a man mutilates a woman’s genitals, strangles her so that she cannot scream, leaves bite marks all over an 8 month old baby, what’s not there to enjoy. Why deny a man the simple pleasures of indulging in unbridled passion by putting up an unnecessary fight! 

All the statements in italics are actual quotes by our respected representatives from the Judiciary, Legislative and the Executive


Source - http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/new-zealand-lawyer-adds-latest-in-bright-ideas-to-prevent-rapes/1/324758.html

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