“Eiee Didi, Dey Na!”

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That’s Bengali for “Give it to me, won’t you?” Sounds suspicious, doesn't it? Well it would have sounded infinitely more dodgy had you been in my place on a crowded Garia-BBD mini bus, fighting claustrophobia while trying to ignore the enthusiastic clapping of three boys-dressed-as-girls.

Trams have been my saviour. They are empty, relatively quick and comfy. But today I had to take a bus. It always gets extremely crowded post Jeevan Deep and this is where three thin, dark, promiscuously dressed androgynous individuals leapt onto the moving bus cackling with laughter, screaming and shouting. At first I thought them to be boisterous girls - I have been around today’s teens for a good two years during my tenure as a teacher and trust me they are all about exhibitionism. Most of them at least. They have no qualms about yelling in a public place, attracting attention with their revealing clothing and generally creating a commotion. But then, once these people were right in front of me, I could see they were eunuchs, or pretending to be to make a quick buck- one never knows these days.

They immediately established that they were going to make money off the people in the bus. Started clapping and gyrating in front of the passengers, using terribly foul language, touching them etc. The usual. And since I was in the first seat next to the window, I was the first to be targeted, of course. They targeted the man next to me first. Clapping in his face, touching his hair, poking at his shirt, they made loud comments about how he was wearing a nice shirt etc. Told him if he didn't give them money they would do the unmentionable. Harrassed him to no end till he gave them 30 Rupees- for the three of them.

I usually ignore them. Sometimes that works. When it doesn't I get rid of them with a tenner. I don't want to be flashed or harassed - hence I think it is far better I give them a token amount and they go their way. I was doing a pretty good job of ignoring them by staring out of the window when one of them touched my arm. I looked at him/her and something made me smile. I didn't feel anger or annoyance...I looked at the very boyish face painted with lipstick and dark smears of eyeliner and I felt a mixture of sympathy and glee. Glee isn't the right word. What I mean is I found them funny so I smiled. The girl/boy was taken aback - and returning my smile asked very politely for money. "Eiee didi, dey na!"

“Eiee Didi, Dey Na!”

This, after the rude words and clapping meted out to the other passengers, was interesting to say the least. Still smiling politely and in chaste polite Bengali I told him/her "I’m sorry, I only had the bus fare. I have one rupee left but how can I give you just that?”

Look I am a Gemini, I can sound extremely convincing while rolling my eyes inwardly, which is what I was doing. My sympathy for them had been turned into irritation - I am not a patient person and I was in a noisy crowded place with a headache. My sympathy has its limits. However, my saccharine sweet exterior worked. The boy/girl looked at me and raised a pencilled brow, saying in rough Bengali, "Eiee Didi, I know you are lying. Fine, let it be – hey your bag is very pretty – I like it!”

I smiled again and looked out of the window. Soon a great commotion began behind me, a woman had tried to stand up for herself and upon being refused, the boys/girls had predicted her first child would be born dead. Sigh.

So amidst frantic yells of "Who do you think you are? God?" and "I will bash your face in with my fist” and other expletives and foul language, I decided I had enough and got up to leave. These individuals had now cleverly blocked the exit and were swearing away to glory - in Bengali and I found the situation most unbearable. Everyone in the bus would get that treatment, they declared, no one would be allowed to leave.

I was wondering how to get off the bus, simultaneously fighting a wave of panic at being blocked in by so many people who were yelling and screaming as well as three nut jobs who were clapping to add to the din when one thought crossed my mind- that my very proper boyfriend – who hates swearing of any kind, especially in the vernacular, would have died a slow death had he been with me. Like most men in India, he is also terrified of eunuchs and loathes their very existence with a passion. And I smiled for a second imagining his horror at the filthy Bengali, the crowd and the boys/girls. And Yay! The boy/girl right in front of me saw me smile, thought it was for him/her, smiled back and said - "Oh you want to get off the bus – hey move, move! Let her off! Eiee Didi, I really like your bag!”

I ignored him/ her. But now, now I was really smiling - a very broad smile - as I jumped off the bus that had slowed down considerably. A smile had really saved the day-twice! I am going to smile more from now on - it evidently is a good way to get things done. With my smile and my cheap purple cheap jhola, I avoided being harassed and threatened with Bengali cuss words thrown in for good measure. If i had reacted with angry words and attitude, I would have been treated the same way as the other passengers. Instead, I had been let off the bus. A smile goes a long way. ‘Tis true!

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