It’s Delhi Silly

Courtesy : CNN IBN

Last week Delhites got a sneak-peak into the much awaited Apocalypse.  A bomb blast, an earthquake and then a deluge that submerged the city – Delhi saw it all.  Thankfully I am still alive to bring you an exclusive day by day report.

It was a Wednesday when the seekers of justice were in for a rude shock.  Yet again, the aam admi - he whose life is ‘cheap’, was the reluctant participant of the hate game.  It took only a couple of minutes to snuff out a future that could have been, leaving behind bewildered family members grappling with whys, the rest of their miserable lives.  

And the reaction was predictable. Like an action replay our leaders spouted robotic statements of sympathy, the HM blamed Delhi Police, Opposition leaders blamed the HM, grim and concerned faces making false promises. We have reconciled ourselves to the fact that our Intelligence Agency will continue to fail us and our Politicians will engage in pointless debates rather than action. My point is, if you can’t save us please spare us your hypocrisy. In fact I have a better idea, why don’t you entertain us instead. Do a hurdle race to reach the blast site or hospital and the winner gets to shed copious quantities of crocodile tears.

And please, can you stop saying…I condemn the attacks and we will not surrender to the scourge of terror! Even the terrorist bhaiya is bored of hearing the same old reaction. Why can’t our Netas come up with nattier lines? Even if their imagination fails them, our ministers can always borrow lines from Hindi film dialogues. MMS can ditch his weepy expression, look at the camera menacingly and say Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa….Chiddy can bare his fangs and Kutte!kaminay, main tera khoon pee jaoongaa…Even Arnab Goswami will be left speechless. And when the terror mail is traced to a cyber café in J&K Boss! Maal pakda gaya.

Who knows after hearing such heartfelt statements on television the gandi naali kaa keeda of a terrorist will be so plagued with remorse that he will go back to grazing sheep. Alas this is but wishful thinking.

On the night of Thursday, when the moon was shining bright, the tectonic plates came to Delhi’s aid and tried to do their bit to jolt our Politicians out of their complacency. Kursis rattled, Gandhi topis fell off and Twitter came alive with It’s a quake…. Before our Parliamentarians could slip into their starched kurta pajamas and condemn it from the bottom of their heart, it turned out to be a damp squib. Now that’s what I call cowardly. How dare you jolt us out of our sleep and turn out to be a mere 4.2 on the Richter scale!

But freaky Friday more than made up for the disappointment when Dilliwallahs experienced the heaviest spell of rains. Waterlogged Delhi saw the worst traffic gridlocks and ground to a screeching halt. Roads transformed into waterways and arterial roads had to be shutdown. Unfortunately the water was too muddy for commuters to swim to their destination. They had to contend themselves with honking their horns creating a screechy symphony. Finally office goers had a legitimate excuse for not reaching on time.

Chiddy condemned the clouds for choosing the office rush hour to turn on the waterworks.  MMS called the act cowardly. And BJP trained their guns on the government and demanded to know why they can't prevent heavy showers.  Rahul visited the bristling clouds to express his sympathy. 

Strangely no one hailed the resilient spirit of Delhi. Is it a tag reserved only for Mumbai? And to add insult to injury, Mayawati’s jet chose Mumbai over Delhi to collect her golden slippers. We are hurting! Before our respected Parliamentarians rush to mend our broken hearts with band aid, the aam junta has this to say... Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein… Tum insaniyaat ke naam pe dhabba ho…Buss bahut ho gayaa yeh nataak!