It’s all about tender loving and care, stupid!

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Remember Jane Fonda? In her younger days she was regarded more as an activist rather than an actress.  Now, at the age of 73, she is out to lead a revolution in the bedroom on behalf of her fellow pensioners.  About 50 pages of the actress’s new autobiography, Prime Time are devoted to explaining the joys of sex after 70.   According to Ms Fonda, it’s important for everyone to know that people in their 70’s can be sexually attractive and active. I am praying Rakhi Sawant does not get hold of this explosive piece of information.  The thought of her giving come hither looks to septuagenarians is not exactly comforting.

I can’t claim to have watched too many of Ms Fonda’s movies – for me she was the more heard rather than seen.  But I do have hazy memories of her workout videos in leotards.  But back then as a stick thin teenager, fitness was an alien concept to me.  I loved her leotards though! And now I love her for giving me hope for old age. 

I may be decades away from 70 and if the Mayan’s were right I might perish with the rest of the world in 2012.  But that does it stop me from thinking about my old age does it?   It’s surprising how our perception of “old” changes with age.  When I was seventeen, twenty eight was senile.  At twenty eight, 40’s was over the hill and now when I am treading the 40’s mill, I think this is the best phase of my life.  So who knows at 70 I might be a rockstar, smoking a beedi, singing Janis Joplin in my cabin in the mountains and proving Jane Fonda right.        

Long before Ms Fonda made the astounding revelation that there’s much more to old age than satsang, we had our own ND Tiwari jee giving us gupt gyaan.  In his 80’s he is still a fountain of youth and believes in sharing his love with not one, but with many.   Dominique Straus Kahn at 62 charges at hapless women like a rutting chimpanzee and still has a smiling wife at his side.  For further inspiration we have Bhramarlal Joshi from Ahmadabad.  At 81 Joshi decided to tie the knot again with 61 year old Pramodini.    An expert in Vedas, Joshi preferred chanting his wedding mantras himself and claims to have an extensive collection of Kamasutra.  It is still not known whether he prefers reading it as bedtime stories or practises the moves suggested by Vatsayana. 

Maybe sex at 70 is not such a bad idea.  Who wants to spend time engaging in fervid clapping sessions in parks at the crack of dawn and watch television serials where all the characters cry like banshees.   Television is more like a health hazard and researchers have further confirmed my worst fears.   According to them, watching TV reduces your life expectancy by 22 minutes!  So it not only turns you into an idiot, it also rewards you with an early death!  When do you get to have sex then?  And what’s more, a session on the couch done with utmost sincerity helps you burn as many as 1800 calories!   Now consider this, a 45 minute medium paced walk helps you burn a mere 300 calories.  How’s that for comparison! 

Of course I am embarrassed as hell to even remotely suggest it to my seniors.  I wouldn’t want to risk a has she lost it completely looks for the rest of my life. But I can certainly start hoping that people will take a cue and start living an active life.  

According to Ms Fonda she can simply tell by looking at people if they are having ‘good sex’. And so can I!  I mean look at Manmohan Singh.  When was the last time you saw the chap smile?  He is the only PM in the world who looks as if he will burst into tears anytime.  Constantly heckled, anointed with unflattering titles like lame duck – the man could certainly do with some TLC (tender loving and care) and a very large kerchief.  And why just him – Chidambaram, Sibal,  Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley – forever on TV with their forehead criss-crossed with worry lines, launching into a diatribe at the earliest opportunity – they are all in dire need of TLC.

It is another matter that a young, virile nation like India is being led down the revolutionary road by a septuagenarian.  But I’d like to point out that Anna Hazare has got it all wrong – it is not Lokpal Bill that will reform the crooked ways of our elected.  We need to import Ms Fonda instead to impart the art of loving to our venerated. According her, after sixty, there is less room for ego and more need for humility, balance and common sense. Isn’t it exactly what most of our leaders are lacking? 

We are not going to live forever so why not make the most of it. Why fast when you can feast. Why fret when you can smile!  Why launch a thousand warships when you can love. Just keep it simple stupid!