Itching To Bitch.....

My name is Phulo

A certain veteran actor has been insisting of late that it’s my Dad who’s old and not him.  To further prove his point he has taken to sporting colours so vivid that it will put even a rainbow to shame.  I strongly suspect that they are hand me downs that his baby wore in a movie where he was pretending to be gay.  The father-son duo with their floral collection can easily be mistaken for the valley of flowers.  Is senility making Big B revisit his childhood, but this time as a flower child? 

Since I do not know the gent personally I can only speculate.  But one thing I know for sure is that his cup brimmeth over.  His superstarni Bahu, who is so plastic that she is considered an environment hazard, has managed a medical feat.  I mean it is a miracle that despite being wedded to a procession of trees and cows, she has managed to conceive the inconceivable.

Strangely the grand daddy seems to be sporting a baby bump too.  Wondering if the two are exchanging notes on morning sickness....

Doing what she does best

Personally I am sick too and tired as well of seeing Ms Sherawat on screen.  I mean there’s too much of her in too little.  Ever since Hollywood sent her packing, the lady is itching for a grand comeback to Bollywood.   After her epic Hiss was watched by exactly 6 ½ people, Mallika is convinced that the only way to stardom is cheesy songs.  So she has been choosing her roles with utmost care - all the ghastly movies this season have Ms Sherawat as the piece de resistance.  And you don’t even have to watch these appalling movies.  All you have to do is surf channels and voila there she is shaking her body parts vigorously.  I don’t know about you guys but after Hiss, it’s tough not to imagine her as a vicious snake out to get revenge.  And her dancing skills don’t help either.  She looks more like a grasshopper high on energy drinks, rather than a femme fatale.  

Dear Mallika now that you have gained extensive expertise selling jalebis, you might consider selling them at Haldiram’s.  A word of caution though – don’t pout, you might end up scaring the customers away. 

The Beauty and the beast

If too little is irksome, two much can get tiresome as well.  Have you seen the voluminous creations Ms Shahnaz Hussain chooses to wear? A single attire of hers can be used to make curtains for an entire orphanage.  And considering her outfits look more like upholstery, it will look rather appropriate.  One look at Ms Hussain and one can easily be fooled into believing that all the Henna her company manufactures is used to colour Madame’s tresses. Talk about conspicuous consumption.  But will someone please tell her than gray looks any day better than orangy red!  Doesn’t she know that by looking like a harridan in a tent, she is actually doing disservice to her brand?  

Women with angry red hair and kohl smeared eyes look prettier in a burqa.

And will people stop telling me what to do this summer?  This summer be a dirty doggie.....sing with Senorita...throw tomatoes at Katrina....No thanks, I do not need your suggestions.  I am happy sweating profusely, cribbing about missing clouds and bitching about celebrities who annoy me most.