Normal is Boring

The last fortnight saw Delhi grapple with one of its harshest winters. Shivering Delhites covered themselves up with tons and tons of woollies, almost looking like walking woollens stores and, er, very- very healthy. Many were spotted sporting a new fad: made-in-China earmuffs to beat the icy winds. Everyone from rickshawallas to street hawkers to students, were seen sporting a pair. But the Chinese are having a good laugh at our expense – apparently these were originally designed for their mutts. Have Delhites finally comprehended the deeper meaning of “Who let the dogs out”?




Strangely, in distant lands, a brave new breed is shedding clothes even as the mercury goes plummeting. New Yorkers are dropping their pants for the “No pants subway ride” event where the participants are expected to go pant-less as they go about their normal routine. This unusual annual happening started as a small event by New York City Prank Collective, now has over 50 cities in two dozen countries around the world, participating. As if dropping your pants was not enough, a clothing brand in Madrid had offered the first 100 customers at its store free clothes as long as they showed up in their underwear. Shoppers in their bare minimum braved the cold and waited outside the store overnight to grab their freebies. Thankfully in our country, we are not expected to turn up in our underwear until it’s for the casting couch. Instead we have to bear our film-stars, posing and preening on National Television in their Amul- Macho underwear-baniyan spouting words of wisdom like - Yeh andar ki baat hai. Thank you, but we do not want to know.




If Delhi was inadvertently sporting doggie accessories, they had another surprise, pleasant or otherwise in store for them. Every Delhite’s pain in the arse, the magnificently inept, slothy Municipal Corporation of Delhi (MCD) made its debut on FB. Within two days of their joining the social networking site, they were swamped with over 1,278 complaints, forcing the agency to restrict itself to what it’s comfortable with – garbage. Yes, only stinky complaints will be entertained on FB. The rest of you with complaints of illegal construction, encroachments and bad roads can go to hell.

Talking of film-stars, we will soon see Aishwarya make her debut at the Sabzi Mandi. In case you’re wondering if Ms Rai has found a new vocation speculating on onion prices after her dazzling array of flops, let me put your agitated mind to rest. A star-struck horticulturist and Padmashree awardee, Haji Kaleemullah Khan, has developed a rare variety of guava and named it “Aishwarya” after the Bachhan Bahu. According to Kaleemullah, the new variety is sweeter than the common guavas available in the market, looks like an apple and has soft seeds unlike the varieties of guava available today. My only query for Mr. Khan - Will the guava also giggle like her?





But come to think of it, a lot of our celluloid stars look like fruits and veggies. Shahrukh, post his Ra-One stress looks like a philosophical raisin. The oh-so-posh Ms Zinta is like a Washington Apple - Himachal is too desi for her. Forever fiery Rakhi Sawant is red hot mirchi or rather bhut jolokia – the hottest chilli in the world at upwards of a million scoville heat units. Ms Sawant is hot for all the wrong reasons! Big B looks like Big P, a pineapple. Next time you spot a pineapple, imagine it sporting a pair of white shades, looking adoringly at its baby pineapple. The fat pineapple sulking in the corner is Amar Singh.