It's A Gay World After All



Image courtesy : fugly.com

 All of you who thought Ibis was the name of a chain of hotels meant for the budget conscious traveller, here’s news for you. It’s an avian variety that was happy but now gay. The females of this species are not too thrilled about this development though.

Scientists believe that pollution in water is turning birds into homosexuals. Apparently white male Ibises have been giving a cold shoulder to the females of their species and prefer cosying up to each other instead. And since Papa Ibises now prefer other papas, baby chicks are not seeing the light of the day. It appears poisonous metal compounds entering the food chain is the culprit behind the altered sexuality of these birds. I would have preferred the male pigeons taking a shine to each other. Those of you staying in high rise apartments would be well aware of this feathered menace. In fact I had devoted an entire post to my pigeon litany. It is quite irksome to see and hear their constant furious coupling and then be privy to their irresponsible parenting. Baby pigeons keep tumbling down from their precariously perched nests on our AC compressors. And the rapidly multiplying population merrily poops all over our balconies. Papa pigeons it’s time you brought your alarmingly growing numbers under control.

I remember reading somewhere that the rising pollution level is also to blame for the changing sexual orientation of men. When I was in school gay meant happy and boys getting close to each other did not invite You are so gay comments. We merrily sang We are Springdalians happy and gay! And NOBODY sniggered. Well things have changed. Men now prefer pink, and all the eligible men are either married or gay. And now there’s even a fresh new preference on the block – the flexisexual. There are quite a few women who can’t seem to make up their mind and swing both ways. Visibly straight women do not mind singing I kissed a girl, just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right. Ah the permutations and combinations of the modern world.



But one particular female of the human species instead of wasting her time experimenting, has hit upon a preposterous business idea. 49 year old Agnes Duran has claimed ownership of the sun and is getting it registered as her own property. She now plans to charge people who benefit from Sun’s energy. Oh, you got a nice orange tan!...that will be 15 dollars. I counted 25 clothes drying on your washline....10 dollars please? She applied for ownership soon after she learnt that similar claims have been made by a US national on the Moon, Mars & Venus. Apparently there exists an Outer Space Treaty of 1967 that prevents any government from staking claim over celestial bodies, but doesn’t extend to private individuals. Hurry!! Offer open till stocks last.

And those of you waiting to haul me up for reading too much of TOI’s lifestyle section, I have news for you as well. The ingredients of my Jhalmuri was sourced from Mail Today this time. HA!