It happened one night

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You have been her silent worshipper for months. And why not, she’s smart, almost beautiful, sassy. The office Casanovas and aging Lotharios have been circling her cubicle furiously, in the vain hope of catching her attention. Yet, she said yes to YOU – silent (mostly), strong, brooding, forehead crinkled in worry, surgically attached to your Blackberry. Almost like her Mills & Boon hero, if you concentrate on the strong silent part and ignore the slightly paunchy, thinning hair look. Of course it helped that you are somewhere at the top of the corporate ladder. Hard work always has its perks.

You have a dinner date tonight at the new Japanese joint that food critics have been raving about. You wistfully think of the divine butter chicken with garlic naan at your favourite Moti Mahal Deluxe. But what to do, she is on a raw diet. Ahh…sushi is but a small sacrifice for office goddess.



She looks even more gorgeous in her purple shimmery dress with silver stilettos. It’s molichino not purple, she corrects you in her husky voice. You almost melt looking into her saucer like eyes. The Sake is okay, the music soothing and the maki rolls almost palatable. The candles cast a soft glow on her face. Just as you start telling her the Rajnikanth joke you memorized in the morning, she leans forward. Wait, wasn’t it this morning that you read in the papers that a woman’s face looks more attractive when it’s tilted forward? No wonder you can’t take your eyes off her. You tilt backwards because the same report had said that a man’s face looks more attractive when it’s tilted backwards. Yeah, let’s work some magic on her. She looks puzzled, checks her breath and manages to tilt the soya sauce on the table and on to her dress. She gives a cry of anguish and runs to the restroom muttering under her breath.

Just then your mobile beeps. It’s wifey and she wants to know when you’re getting your sorry ass home. Hrrrmpp…women!!! Your mind goes into a rewind again…Didn’t you read in the papers that lots of sex helps men live longer? Jeez, am just making sure all her Karva Chauth prayers get answered and I get to live the longest and fullest life. But didn’t the report also say only if you are faithful? Unfaithful men have a poor cardio vascular performance as they also cope with increased stress of their infidelity. Damn, why do good things always come with a rider! And didn’t the Pope say it’s okay to use to condoms? Argggh!! what does it have to do with me!! This Sake is making me all woozy. I am from the land of Kamasutra, the land of Jagans, Marans, Rajas, Kanimozhi and 2G scams. The land that has an unhealthy obsession for all things fair and lovely especially if it is imported, so what’s if it’s a has-been B grade actress more famous for her D cup. 

This is stressing me up too much. Think I’ll just go home and watch Katrina do her jiggy wiggy to Sheila ki jawani! Doesn’t she say in the song “Main Toh Khud Se Pyaar Jataun”, yeah think I will continue being in love with myself.

Just as you call the maitre d for the cheque, she walks in from the restroom. She gives you a disgusted, almost snarly look. Suddenly office goddess doesn’t look that attractive anymore.