The Tipsy-Topsy World

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Of late, I have noticed a trend of gen X sporting a new appendage. They look spiffy in their sharp suits, ready to take on the world and then your eyes land on their protruding beer bellies. Of course the expanding midriff is a national phenomenon passed from generation to generation. But guys taking on this shape at this young an age is a recent phenomenon. And I blame the Pub culture. Go to any resto bar on an evening, and you will spot hordes of BPO types putting Bacchus to shame. And voila one fine morning they have more spilling out of that belt rather than tucked in.

But Americans kids are smart, they know how to keep their cake and eat it too. A lot of youngsters are now opting for a new kind of diet-drunkorexia. It involves starving to save calories for binge drinking. In order to maintain weight, many young men and women think it’s unnecessary to eat, especially if they are anticipating a boozing session later on. Aren’t kids supposed to be studying and doing other nerdy stuff in college? But for me there’s always a silver lining in that proverbial cloud. A path breaking, earth shaking business idea is already taking form in my mind – Your choice of booze now fortified with 21 essential Vitamins, Iron and Calcium. Brewed from organic multigrains, with floating fibres. Or perhaps a slim fast beer?

It appears that people who are really smart are inclined towards wine. Drinking wine is considered a reflection of your intelligence (insert meaningful smile and self gloating). A study suggests that more intelligent children grew up to drink more alcohol, more frequently and in greater amount than less intelligent children. And I can show a Mum lovingly pour out a glass of wine for her bright smiley kid.



Are teens taking this piece of research seriously or are they now actually reading newspapers!!!! According to a report in TOI, alcohol consumption among teenagers in Indian metros is on the rise. And it seems the parents are to blame. No, they are not accompanying their kids for drinking sessions but it is the wad of pocket money which is making life so much headier for their teens. I prefer Bacardi to Biology and have Bank of Mummy and Daddy to finance me. Gosh, life was so much simpler when I was a kid. I got such a pittance that I would manage to finish it within a week and spend the rest of the month broke.

Excess money on the other hand can be injurious to your well being. A Briton, drunk himself to death because he became bored after he gave up his job following his nine-million pound lottery win. Keith Gough won the lottery in 2005 and splurged his windfall on luxury cars, race horses and an executive box at Aston Villa football club. But then he quit his job and began drinking heavily of boredom. Gordon had claimed in an interview last year that his life had been ruined after the lottery win.

It doesn’t come as much of a surprise to me either!

Another set of researchers who studied Ozzy Osborne’s DNA have concluded that he is a descendant of a Neanderthal man. The 61 year old heavy metal singer, who has survived years of drug abuse and alcohol addiction, shares the genome of this prehistoric species. Osborne’s gene has an “unusual variant” which could have helped him survive during the years when he drank up to four bottles of Cognac a day. The self-proclaimed Prince of Darkness, who famously bit the head off a bat on stage, joked that the news of his Neanderthal heritage would not come “much of a surprise” to his family or police departments around the world. 

So, if love your drink more than anything else in the world, you can now heave a sigh of relief. You have solid scientific research backing up what you have known all along – that you are one smart piece of shit, never mind that belly and if you manage to survive years of abuse, you might just be having prehistoric connections! Just make sure, you don’t win a lottery!