Jhalmuri Times – Definitely Not Breaking News

Delhi with its dug up roads, constant power outages and rising crime rates coupled with an apathetic administration offers very little to cheer about to its grumbling citizens. Yet Delhizens find bizarre ways to indulge themselves. The last few weeks, the capital was enthralled by the Vuvuzela buzz – yes, the one that sounds like supersonic bees in a blender and makes you wish you were deaf. And now it’s the humble Octopus that has caught their fancy. No, not to eat it (Dilliwalas love their butter chicken far too much) but to keep one as a pet! The eight legged wonder has outlived its world cup euphoria and pet shops in Delhi are now flooded with enquiries about the mollusc as a pet. The octopus is apparently a highly intelligent creature and has a complex nervous system. Does it now mean Babas will soon be going out of business? After all who needs a baba when you have your personal octo-baba!

Delhi’s police on the other hand are taking a breather from tackling crime and addressing the issue of water conservation rather seriously. No, they have not stopped taking their bath in a bid to save water but are spending sleepless nights over a missing tap. And this is no ordinary tap but a VIP tap belonging Bhakta Charan Das, a Lok Sabha MP. Two persons have already been taken into custody and booked under an array of befuddling sections (380, 422 and 34 to be precise). Tapping into crime has never been easy.



Our netas maybe objects of ridicule for most of us, but are much in demand for their gyaan in foreign universities. First it was our very own scam tainted, Lalu Prasad Yadav delivering lectures at the MIT, Harvard and Wharton Business schools. Now it’s our Didi from Oest Bengal, Mamata Banerjee who has been invited by Cambridge to delibhaar a lecture on her political struggle at Nandigram. Saying Tata to Tata Da is paying rich dividends, it seems. But I do have a pertinent query- who will showcase the struggle of her hapless audience? After all, bhaat Didi speaks, only the brave can comprehend!

And next time when someone tries to bug you with a “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” you can give them a research backed response. A team from University of Sheffield and University of Warwick has cracked this greatest mystery that has tormented us for ages and discovered, it is the chicken that came first. Did people actually believe there could be an egg without the Mom?

Scientists in Japan not wanting to be left behind have made an innovation that will revolutionize lifestyle across Asia or so they think – the world’s first rice cooker that can turn grains of rice into a loaf of bread in mere four hours. This comes close on the heels of Triumph’s path breaking grow-your-own-rice bra.

Just a peek into the future – You get back home, after attending a lecture by Bhakta Charan Das on water conservation and importance of taps at the Oxford University, you are starving and take out a fresh batch of rice from you know where, pour it in the magical GOPAN rice cooker and while you wait for your rice to turn to bread you engage your octo-pet in a game of Sudoku. Our future is rosy indeed.