A Bloody State Of Affairs

Big B finally gets to be Big F. No, it’s not what you are thinking you pervs. The megastar’s long, lingering wish to get a farmer’s status was finally granted by the U.P government. He is now registered as a farmer member. Let’s just pray that an ash smeared Baby B doesn’t go prancing around the fields, giving a heart attack to the scarecrows and the neighbouring farmers.

Cops in UP are looking at alternative professions as well. Two Uttar Pradesh constables and their suspended colleague decided to make some easy pocket money and decamped with an entire ATM machine. Since nobody knows the mind of a criminal better than a policeman, you would expect them to get away, right? Well, they didn’t and were arrested soon after. They have now vowed that they will henceforth be making money like the rest of their colleagues, by taking bribes.

The Amit Shah (Gujarat’s home minister) controversy had kindled a grudging respect for criminals, who are at least honest about who they are and their motives. Sadly, honesty is not a word we associate with most of our wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing netas, who engineer elaborate conspiracies, shamelessly use state machinery to steal and get their adversaries knocked off. And when the law finally catches up with them, they go absconding, throw elaborate tantrums and indulge in a finger pointing spree, blaming everyone from the opposition, to the CBI or even their local dhobi. Shame on them and shame on us for electing such buffoons.

Source:IndiaToday.intoday.in

The Bihar legislative Assembly witnessed a free for all last Tuesday with its lawmakers throwing chairs, tossing tables and aiming slippers at the hapless Speaker. No, they were not practising for the Commonwealth games, but were simply registering their protest over a CAG report suggesting a 11,412 crore financial irregularity in the state’s development projects. When the 67 opposition MLC’s were suspended and marshaled out, it got even better. Congresswoman Dr Jyoti Kumari went on a gamla flinging spree. As she twirled and flung those heavy flower pots with practiced ease, appreciative gasps went up from an awe struck nation watching the show open mouthed on T.V. The loose cannon had to be literally dragged out of the premises. The physically exhausted MLC then proceeded on to faint and had to be hospitalized. When she finally came to her senses, Jyoti jee clarified that she was simply promoting eco friendly missiles. Her nascent fan club headed by me, has already gathered a mammoth following. As president of the club I have been feeling a little drained. You see, the last few days, I have been busy composing fan letters written in blood to her.

Source:IndiaToday.intoday.in

Speaking of blood, Sachin Tendulkar’s autobiography “The Tendulkar Opus” will have a limited edition. Strangely the 10 editions of the book priced at a whopping $75,000 each will have an autograph of Tendulkar that will mix his blood with paper pulp and will also feature the batsman’s DNA profile from his saliva. Aikthoo, what a bloody idea!

But this one takes the cake. A state government run health centre in Rajasthan’s Doongri village is an open affair, literally. The patients are forced to stay and get treated under a tree while the fully built up health care centre serves as residential quarters for the Doctor, paramedics and their families. The hospital’s in-charge Dr B L Meena, defended the decision, citing the rising mercury levels that has forced the hospital staff to treat patients outside.

Calling Dr Jyoti and her flower pots please! Madam jee can you please fling your eco friendly missiles from Bihar itself and knock some sense into these apologies of mankind.