April Full

An Icelandic volcano simmered and spewed ash bringing the world to a grinding halt. But the name, Eyjafjallajokull gave greater stress to us. People choked on their coffee, their tongues got twisted, all in an attempt to pronounce an unpronounceable name. A name coined as if a 2 year old was given a free run on the keyboard!

Shifting tectonic plates can now take a well deserved rest. According to Sedighi, an Iranian cleric, “Women who dress immodestly are capable of increasing Earthquakes”. And women in cleavage baring dresses managed to do just that. On “Boobquake Day” femmes let loose a rumble they had not bargained for. In a comedy of coincidences, an earthquake measuring 6.5 on the Richter scale shook up Taiwan, even as Jennifer McCreight spearheaded a “full frontal” campaign against the Iranian cleric.

The Shoa-nia saga kept the nation enthralled with its day-to-day exciting developments fuelled by a mystery lady. The woman turned out to be Shoaib’s first wife. So excited was Shoaib about his impending marriage to Sania, the poster girl of Indian tennis, that he conveniently forgot the presence of his larger than life telephone begum and confused her with his “Aapaa”. He claimed ignorance, feigned memory loss and made a miraculous recovery when the truth threatened to spill over. Barely had we recovered from this hullabaloo, Modi tweeted and triggered an IPL slugfest. A public spat that snowballed into a scandal revealing bigger players, personal liaisons casting doubts over transparency and accountability of the league itself. A mint fresh minister resigned and a witch hunt is on to finish Modi once and for all. But with Modi behaving like Rajnikanth on steroids he’s unlikely to go down easily. Moral of the story? Think twice before you tweet.

Robert Pattinson, Twilight heart-throb, became Hollywood’s yummiest man. He was immortalised in 18 kilos of solid Belgian chocolate. What a waste of good chocolate! Girls Aloud band member, Sarah Harding on the other hand is doing her level best to make her food unappetizing. Harding has admitted that she sprinkles her food with charcoal dust to keep fit! Can diets get any more bizarre?

Beer guzzling men will be surprised to know that this drink was an all- women affair till 200 years ago. According to historian, author Jay Peyton women created beer and for thousands of years operated breweries. It was a drink exclusively meant for them, until the men took over and managed beer bellies. Women evolved and moved on to sophisticated drinks like the “Cosmopolitan”.

But men needn’t despair. There’s good news for them as well. You can now check out that hot chick and not feel guilty about it. Men it seems are programmed to have a lustful, wandering eye. So next time your wife raps you on your knuckles for leering at her best friend, just blame it on mother- nature and her faulty programming. And don’t forget to smile. Smiling apparently adds years to your life. Is that your 20th cigarette? Just grin. Remember the broader you grin the longer you get to live. And don’t forget to say sorry to your wife even if it’s not you fault.Research suggests that an apology adds years to your wife’s life.

See, how easy it is to add and deduct years from your life? And in the meantime you can dream about the bathrooms of the future. According to a report, homes of the future will feature bathroom mirrors that will study your BP, heart rate and send them to your doctor. You can also enjoy a broadband connected bath which takes instructions. So it is now very possible to stay at home and never move out at all. This may not be a very bad idea in a place like Delhi.

My smile just got wider, just thinking about the future. Wondering if my bath tub can fix a glass of martini for me, shaken not stirred if you please?


Source

A heady cocktail of Hindustan Times, Times of India, Mail Today, spiked with the Author’s fertile imagination.